When The Stars Go Blue
by Mrs. McDreamy MD
Summary: Meredith leaves the night after prom. Will Derek find her? Will she ever return to Seattle? MerDer Post Prom
1. Chapter 1

THE CORRS- When The Stars Go Blue

Dancin' where the stars go blue

Dancin' where the evening fell

Dancin' in your wooden shoes

In a wedding gown

Dancin' out on 7th street

Dancin' through the underground

Dancin' little marionette

Are you happy now?Yeah(Bono)

Where do you go when you're lonely

Where do you go when you're blue

Where do you go when you're lonely

I'll follow you

When the stars go blue, blue

When the stars go blue, blue

When the stars go blue, blue

When the stars go blue

Laughing with your pretty mouth

Laughing with your broken eyes

Laughing with your lover's tongue

In a lullaby

Where do you go when you're lonely

Where do you go when you're blue

Where do you go when you're lonely

I'll follow you

When the stars go blue, blue

When the stars go blue, blue

When the stars, when the stars go blue, blue

When the stars go blue

When the stars go blue, blue, blue

Stars go blue

When the stars go blue

Where do you go when you're lonely

Where do you go when you're blue, yeah

Where do you go when you're lonely

I'll follow you, I'll follow you, I'll follow you

I'll follow you, I'll follow you, yeah

Where do you go, yeah

Where do you go, Where do you go

Meredith looks between the two men, both calling her name. She doesn't know what to do. She can't do this. She can't do this right now. She looks behind Derek and sees Addison. She looks at Finn. Finn has plans. She can't be with Finn. She doesn't love Finn. She loves him, but she can't be with him. He is married and his wife is standing right there. His wife is standing right there and she has no idea what just happened in the exam room. Meredith looks at him and makes eye contact. He takes her breath away. She can't breathe with him looking at her. She looks at the floor one more time before glancing back up at him having made up her mind. She looks into the blue oceans that are his eyes and turns around to leave. Finn reaches out and grabs on to her arm.

Finn: Meredith??

Meredith looks up at Finn, tears now running down her face.

Meredith (in a strained voice): I'm sorry Finn, I can't. I have to go.

Meredith tries to jerk her arm free but Finn tightens his grip, hurting her. She gasps and looks up at him, fear in her eyes.

Meredith: Please, please let me go.

Finn: Not until you tell me why.

Meredith: Please, you're hurting me.

Derek finally steps forward.

Derek: Finn, let her go. She told you to let her go. Just let her go.

Meredith glances quickly back at Derek and then at Finn. Finn loosens his grip out of shock and Meredith manages to break loose. She runs out of the hospital and away from the life she has known for the past five months.

Derek watches Meredith, hoping that she sees how much he loves her. She looks confused and hurt. Damn it. He doesn't want tot hurt her anymore. He sees Finn grab her arm and feels a bit nauseous. He then sees the look of pain that crosses Meredith's face and then her pleas to be released. He is hurting her. Derek steps forward and is very pissed off.

Derek: Finn, let her go. She told you to let her go. Just let her go.

Derek catches Meredith's eyes just for a moment as she looks at him quickly before turning and running out of the hospital. He watches her run away, finding it hard to move his feet. He loves her. He doesn't want to hurt her anymore. He doesn't know what to do. He feels a hand on his shoulder and turns to meet the suspicious eyes of his wife. He sighs. He can't be with her anymore. It's not fair to her. It's not fair to him and it's not fair to Meredith. He needs Meredith. He loves Meredith.

Derek: Addison, we need to talk.

Addison nods and her eyes begin to fill with tears. She knows it's over.

(Scene shifts to Meredith)

Meredith runs out the front doors of Seattle Grace Hospital. She stops once she is outside and looks up at the front of the hospital one last time. She sighs.

Meredith: I'm so sorry.

Meredith turns around and runs to her car. Just as she starts to drive away the rain starts to pour down. She pulls out her cell phone and dials a number she has memorized.

Voice: Hello?

Silence.

Voice (a little worried): Hello?

Meredith starts crying.

Voice: Meredith??

Meredith: I'm sorry, Derek. I love you, but I can't do this anymore.

Before the voice on the other end of the phone can respond Meredith hangs up the phone. It immediately starts ringing again and she silences it. Meredith drives through the city of Seattle, stopping only to fill up her car. She drives until she is too tired to continue. She looks down at her phone. She has missed fifteen calls, ten are from Derek. She sighs. She looks through the other people that have called—George and Cristina. She needs to call her person, her sister. She dials Cristina's number. A sleepy voice answers.

Cristina: What?

Meredith (in a quiet voice): Cristina?

Cristina instantly wakes up and sets up in the hospital bed which she is sharing with Burke.

Cristina: Meredith?!!? Where the hell are you? Everyone has been looking for you!!

Meredith: I'm sorry. I'm so sorry.

Meredith starts crying again.

Cristina: What the hell did he do?

Meredith: What do you mean?

Cristina: Only one person can make you feel this way. What did he do??

Meredith sighs. Cristina knows her so well.

Meredith: We had sex. At Prom.

Cristina makes a noise that resembles a growl.

Cristina: Ass! I'm going to kick his ass!

Meredith can't help but giggle over her person's reaction. She is going to miss her.

Cristina: So, where the hell are you?

Meredith: I'm sorry. I…I don't really know.

Meredith bites her lip. She is not a very good liar.

Cristina: You are lying to me. Why won't you tell me where you are?

Meredith: Because…I just…I'm not in Seattle.

Cristina: What??

Meredith: I can't do it anymore. I can't. I just can't.

Meredith starts crying again. Cristina has a shocked look on her face. Burke notices the look on her face.

Burke: Cristina, what is it?

Cristina looks at him.

Cristina: Meredith?

Meredith: Yeah?

Cristina: Are you coming back?

Meredith: No. I don't know. I don't think so.

Cristina: I'm going to kick his ass.

Before Meredith can respond Cristina hangs up the phone. Meredith stares at the phone for a minute. It starts ringing again. DEREK. She ignores it. She can't talk to him right now. She gets out of her car and enters the hotel to spend the night. She plans on getting up early to continue her drive. She checks in and enters her room. She lies down on the bed and curls up in a ball. She turns off her phone and cries herself to sleep, thinking about how screwed up her life has become and about how much she loves him.

(Scene switches to Derek)

Derek has just finished telling Addison it is over and is now in his car driving to Meredith's house. He needs to tell her how he feels. He wants her. He needs her. He loves her. Just as he is turning onto her street his phone rings. He looks down at the screen and his heart begins to beat faster. MEREDITH. He answers the phone.

Derek: Hello?

Silence.

Derek (a little worried): Hello??

He hears her start crying.

Derek: Meredith??

Meredith: I'm sorry, Derek. I love you, but I can't do this anymore.

Click.

He stares at his phone for a moment. He is now parked in her driveway. He looks around but doesn't see her vehicle. He goes to the door and George answers, still in his tuxedo.

George: Dr. Shepherd??

Derek: Is she here??

George: Meredith?

Derek runs his hand through his hair. He is worried.

Derek: Yes Meredith. Of course Meredith.

George: No. I thought she was still at prom. She hasn't been here all night.

George notices the look that crosses Derek's face.

George: What is it?

Derek: Nothing.

Derek turns around and he leaves. He tries to call her again. Voicemail.

Derek: Meredith, please answer. Please call me back. We really need to talk. I love you…I love you so much…

Beep.

Derek hangs up the phone and drives back to his trailer. Hopefully Addison has had enough time to gather up her things and leaves. He pulls into the driveway and is relieved that Addison's car is no where in sight. He goes into the trailer and grabs a beer. He sits on the couch and tries to call her again. Over the next three hours he tries to call her eight more times, each time getting her voicemail. He doesn't know what to do. He runs his hand through his hair again. He goes to the fridge to get another beer when someone starts pounding on his door.

**So...this is the last of them...lol...I might even post another update later. Let me know what you guys think.**

**-marci**


	2. Chapter 2

_Derek hangs up the phone and drives back to his trailer. Hopefully Addison has had enough time to gather up her things and leaves. He pulls into the driveway and is relieved that Addison's car is no where in sight. He goes into the trailer and grabs a beer. He sits on the couch and tries to call her again. Over the next three hours he tries to call her eight more times, each time getting her voicemail. He doesn't know what to do. He runs his hand through his hair again. He goes to the fridge to get another beer when someone starts pounding on his door._

Voice (yelling): Shepherd!! You better open this damn door before I break it down!!

Derek recognizes that voice and fear suddenly seizes him.

Derek: Uh oh.

Voice: Hey ASS! Open this damn door right now.

Derek reluctantly walks over and opens the door only to be met by an angry person in the form of Cristina Yang.

Derek: Cristina? What brings you out here this late at night?

Cristina pokes him in the chest.

Cristina: You know damn well what brings me out here. You are such an ass!

Derek: I don't know..

Cristina: Shut it. You drove her away.

Derek shoots around and looks at her, shock written on his face.

Derek: Wait. What?

Cristina: SHE'S GONE YOU ASS!

Derek stands there is shock. He drove her away. He stumbles back into the couch and sits down. He puts his head in his hands. Cristina walks over and slaps him on the back of the head.

Derek: Ouch! What the hell was that for??

Cristina: FOR BREAKING HER….AGAIN!!

Derek (quietly): I…I…

Tears start to fill his eyes. He looks up at Cristina. She sees his face, but her expression doesn't soften. Cristina pokes him in the chest again and brings her face down to look him in the eyes. She grabs his chin, forcefully.

Cristina: You…You better fix this. She is my person and you better fix this. I don't care how, but fix it. Soon.

With these words Cristina lets go of his face and leaves the trailer. He sits there in stunned silence. She is gone. Where did she go? What did he do? Oh, God. He loves her so much. He runs his hands through his hair again. He doesn't know what to do. He hurts. He hurts everywhere. He hurts because he knows that he has broken her. He needs to fix this. He picks up his phone in another attempt to reach her. Once again, he reaches her voicemail.

Derek: Meredith, please. I love you…I love you so much. I need you. I want you. Please call me back. I love you.

Derek hangs up the phone and exhales loudly. He sinks back on the couch, knowing that tonight he isn't going to be getting any sleep. He doesn't want to sleep. All he wants to do is replay the bliss he experienced just hours earlier with the love of his life. He sighs and sinks back in reverie, eventually drifting into a fitful sleep.

(Scene switches back to Meredith)

Meredith finally falls into a fitful sleep and doesn't wake up until the phone in her hotel room rings.

Meredith (sleepily): Hello?

Voice: Hello, Ms. Grey, this is the front desk with your wake up call.

Meredith: Thank you.

Meredith hangs up the phone and lies back on the bed. She puts her hands on her face and rubs her eyes, recalling the events of the last night. She looks at her cell phone. Five more missed calls since last night, all of them from Derek. She now has ten voicemail but decides not to listen to any of them. She dials a number.

Voice: Dr. Webber.

Meredith: Hello, Dr. Webber.

Chief: Meredith? Where are you?

Meredith: Chief, I…I need for you to transfer me.

Chief: Why don't you come in and we can talk about this?

Meredith: I can't.

Derek enters the Chief's office and sits down in front of his desk. The Chief glances at him inquisitively. Derek looks like shit and the Chief thinks that he may know why.

Chief: And why is that?

Meredith: Because, I am no longer in Seattle?

Chief: What? Where are you?

Derek looks up at the Chief at these words and meets his eyes. He knows who he is talking to now.

Meredith: I'm not really sure right now.

Chief: How am I supposed to know where to transfer you if I don't know where you are?

Derek: What?!!?

The Chief looks at him and silences him with a look.

Meredith: Well, I know where I am going.

Chief: And where is that?

Meredith: Chief, I need you to promise me something first.

Chief: What is that, Meredith?

Meredith: You can't tell anyone. I mean no one. If anyone finds me, I will leave again and this time not even you will know where I am.

The Chief sighs loudly.

Chief: Well, if that is the case, then I think it would be best if you call me back later.

Meredith: Why?

Chief: Well, I'm not exactly in the position right now to make that promise to you.

Meredith: Oh. Derek's there isn't he?

Chief: Yes. Can I ask why you are leaving?

Meredith: I think you know the answer to that question already.

Derek is looking attentively at the Chief, hanging on his every word.

Chief: Is there anything I can do to change your mind?

Meredith: I'm afraid not.

Chief: Do you think you will come back?

Meredith pauses. She sighs and then starts to cry.

Meredith: I…I don't know.

Chief: Are you okay?

Meredith (loudly and crying): NO! I'm NOT OKAY! ALRIGHT?!?

Derek hears her and his heart breaks. The Chief holds the phone away from his ear.

Chief: Okay, okay. Just call me later and I will see what I can do.

Meredith: Thank you.

Chief: No problem. You are like a daughter to me, Meredith. I will do whatever I can.

Meredith: Do you think you could look after my mother for me?

Chief: Of course.

Meredith: Thank you, Chief. Goodbye. I will call you later.

Chief: Goodbye, Meredith.

Meredith hangs up the phone and cries. After a couple of minutes she gets up and showers. She checks out of the hotel and gets back on the road, driving away from her past, away from her friends…away from the love of her life. Tears trail down her cheeks as she silences yet another call from Derek.

(Meanwhile in the Chief's office)

Derek looks at the Chief expectantly after he hangs up the phone.

Derek: Well??

The Chief sits back in his chair and runs his hand down his face.

Chief: I'm sorry, Derek.

Derek: What do you mean? You're sorry?? What the hell are you sorry for??

Chief: I can't tell you anything. I promised her.

Derek: Do you really think that her leaving everyone and everything she cares about is best for her??

Chief: It doesn't matter what I think is best for her. You know how damn stubborn she is.

Derek: I need her. I love her.

The Chief looks up at Derek shocked to see tears falling from his eyes.

Chief: What about Addison?

Derek: That's over. I never should have gone back to Addison. I love Meredith. I've always loved Meredith. It's always been her. It just took me a little while to figure that out. Please, Chief, just tell me where she is??

Derek's voice drips with desperation and his eyes are searching the Chief's face, somewhat hopeful.

Chief: I'm sorry, Derek. I don't even know where she is right now.

Derek: But…she asked you for a transfer…I mean..

Chief: Look Derek, even if I knew, I couldn't tell you…it's confidential…

Derek jumps out of his chair.

Derek: Confidential my ass!! She is the love of my life and I will find her, whether you tell me or I have to spend all of my free time calling every single hospital. I will find her. I have to find her. I need to find her.

With these words Derek storms out of the Chief's office, leaving the Chief looking somewhat shell shocked. He runs his hand over his balding head, wondering how the hell he let things get this out of control in his hospital.

Derek storms out of the Chief's office and runs into Bailey.

Bailey: Hey, watch where you're going!!

She looks him up and down.

Bailey: What the hell is wrong with you?

Derek just shakes his head.

Bailey: Have you seen Grey??

Derek: No. She's gone.

Bailey: What do you mean she's gone?? What the hell did you do??

Derek doesn't answer her. He just glares at her and walks away. He goes into his office and slams the door. Once the door is closed he finally lets his emotions take over and he falls to the floor, sobs shaking his body. He really loves her and he is just realizing how much. He will find her. He doesn't care how long or what he has to do, but he will find her.


	3. Chapter 3

Meredith drives all day, stopping only to eat and to put gas in her vehicle. She finally decided to turn her phone off after about the twentieth missed call. She called the Chief earlier and informed him of where she was heading and he promised to do whatever he could. Meredith exhales loudly as she enters the familiar city. She drives to the nearest hotel and gets a room for a couple of nights. Tomorrow she would go to the hospital to see about transferring and then she would look for a place to live. She keeps telling herself that she is doing the right thing, but she already feels as if a part of her is missing.

Derek tries to keep his mind focused on his work, but finds it almost impossible. He snaps at everyone around him. He sees Cristina in the cafeteria and she shoots him daggers with her eyes. He sighs and sits down, running his hand through his hair. He doesn't even notice when someone joins him.

Chief: Shepherd?

Derek looks up at the Chief, sadness evident in his eyes. The Chief takes in his disheveled appearance. He has never seen Derek Shepherd looks this bad. He begins to feel concerned.

Chief: Derek, are you okay?

Anger, hurt, and pain fill Derek's chest. He looks at the Chief.

Derek: No, I'm not okay. I'm not alright. Okay?

Derek's voice is harsh and the Chief is taken aback. Before he can answer Derek gets up and storms away from the table. The Chief walks him watch away and begins to feel like shit. What has he done.

Derek walks back to his office and paces the floor. He stops and looks at his phone, hoping that she has called. Nothing. He dials her number yet again. This time it doesn't even ring, but goes straight to voicemail.

Derek: DAMN IT!

He hangs up the phone and looks at his a moment before throwing it against the wall violently. The phone shatters into several pieces. He turns to the door at the sound of someone clearing their voice.

George: Dr. Shepherd??

Derek (somewhat harshly): What?

George: I was told you needed an intern…

George is taken aback by the demeanor of this respected neurosurgeon. He has never seen Derek act like this. Derek's face softens a bit as he looks at George.

Derek: I'm sorry, George. I just…I miss her so much already..

George: I know, sir. I'm sorry. I wish there was something I could do to help, but she hasn't contacted anyone.

Derek sits down behind his desk and runs his hand through his hair. He is trying to keep himself composed. He looks back up at George. George sees a man who is slowly falling apart in front of him. He sighs and takes a step into Derek's office.

George: Dr. Shepherd…Derek…Is there anything I can do?

Derek looks up at George at his informal address. He hears the sincerity in his voice and the sympathy in his eyes. Derek shakes his head no.

Derek: Not unless you know where she is??

George's face falls.

George: Sorry, sir. I don't know anything.

Derek nods. He knows that George is telling the truth.

Derek: I don't need an intern. I can't work today. I'm too distracted.

George nods in agreement and turns to leave the office.

Derek: George?

George: Yes?

Derek: If you hear anything…

George: I will let you know.

Derek nods.

Derek: Thanks.

George: No problem.

George turns to leave but something pops into his head. Derek's head is already placed in his hands.

George: Sir?

Derek jerks his head back up at the sound of George's voice.

Derek: Yeah?

George: Do you know why she left?

Derek sighs and leans back in his chair. He runs his hand over his face and then through his hair.

Derek: Because I couldn't stop loving her. No matter how hard I tried…she's it for me.

George nods although he's not quite sure if he understands exactly what Derek is saying. He walks out of the office, leaving Derek alone to wallow in his pain.

A couple of minutes later he hears a knock on his door.

Derek: What?

The door opens and the Chief stands there. Derek looks at him and makes eye contact, making the Chief uncomfortable.

Derek: What do you want?

The Chief opens his mouth, but is a little shocked at Derek's behavior..

Chief: I just thought you would like to know that I heard from Meredith.

Derek's head jerks up at this statement and hope appears in his eye. He hopes that the Chief will tell him when she is.

Chief: She is safe. She made it there okay. She promised to call me once a week to let me know how she is doing.

Derek sighs. He leans back and runs his hand through his hair, something he has done several times that day.

Derek (in a low voice): Where is she?

Chief: You know I can't tell you that. I would if I could Derek, but I can't.

Tears fill Derek's eyes. He feels so helpless. He feels so empty without her. At least when he was with Addison, he still got to see her everyday.

Derek: I…I…

Chief: I'm sorry, Derek. I never realized how strongly you felt for her.

Derek glares at the Chief for a moment until he sees the sincerity in the Chief's eyes. The Chief looks tired, like he hasn't slept either.

Derek: I think I need to take a couple of days. I really shouldn't be operating on people right now. I can't focus.

The Chief nods.

Chief: Of course.

The Chief gets up from his seat and walks towards the door.

Chief: I will let you know when she calls.

Derek nods and the Chief exits the office. Derek leans back in the chair for a moment before getting up. He needs to go get a new cell phone in case she calls. Even as he is walking out of the hospital, he makes mental notes about which hospital she would go to. He plans on making several calls the next few days. He needs to find her. He needs to tell her how he feels. He needs her to feel human. He runs his hand through his hair once again before getting into his vehicle and driving out of the hospital parking lot.


	4. Chapter 4

Five weeks have passed.

Meredith finds herself sinking down into a dark pit. She feels nothing but alone. She misses her person. She misses her friends. Most of all, she misses him. Why does it have to be this hard? He's married. He has a wife. This is what she keeps telling herself to get through the day. This morning she wakes up feeling nauseous. She runs to the bathroom and empties the contents of her stomach.

Meredith: Must be something that I ate.

She thinks about what she had to eat yesterday but can't figure it out. She then gets dressed and heads to work at the hospital she started working at four weeks ago. It isn't Seattle Grace. Her friends aren't here. He isn't here. She wonders if it was a mistake to run. Running was never something she did before. She used to confront her problems head on, but he changed that. She couldn't face him anymore. Every time she looked into her eyes all she could think about was how much she wanted to be with him, but couldn't. At least here she doesn't have that constant reminder. She is just like her mother told her she was, not good enough.

Meredith walks through the front doors of the hospital and into the locker room to get ready for rounds. Her resident enters. Her new resident is nothing like Bailey, he is somewhat of a pervert.

Dr. Simmons: Okay interns. Here are your assignments: Barns-Smith, Cooke-James, Johns-Anderson, Brown-Pit..Now GO!

Everyone scatters and heads off to their assignments. Everyone except Meredith.

Meredith: What about me, sir?

Dr. Simmons looks at Meredith and gives her a cocky smile.

Dr. Simmons: You, Dr. Grey, are with the visiting attending today, Dr. Jones. She is on a high profile case and I thought this would be a good test of your…abilities.

He winks at her and Meredith tries to hold back her disgust. She walks away and goes to find the new attending. She sees a woman leaning against the counter at the nurses' station. She walks tentatively up to her. She looks familiar, but Meredith doesn't know where she has seen her before. She is medium height, has dark, wavy brown hair, and bright blue eyes.

Meredith: Dr. Jones?

Dr. Jones turns to face her and smiles at her. Meredith looks at her name tag and realizes that she has the correct person.

Meredith: I am your intern for today.

Dr. Jones: Well..

Dr. Jones looks down at Meredith's name tag and then back at her face.

Dr. Jones: Dr. Grey, we should get started then.

Just as Dr. Jones starts to walk away, Meredith starts to feel nauseous again. She runs to the nearest trash can and vomits. Meredith quickly lifts her head up as soon as she is done and meets the familiar eyes of Dr. Jones.

Dr. Jones: Are you okay?

Her voice is full of concern and Meredith can't help but smile at her.

Meredith: I'm fine. Just been a little nauseous this morning. Everything's fine.

Dr. Jones: Okay, well, I think we should take some blood and make sure you don't have the flu. We are working with a woman pregnant with quints and they are very susceptible.

Meredith's jaw drops open.

Meredith: Quints??

Dr. Jones smiles.

Dr. Jones: Yes, quints. We actually have several specialists flying in from all over the country.

Meredith: Is there something wrong with them?

Dr. Jones: Well, each one has a different problem. We have a neurosurgeon and a cardiothoracic surgeon flying in tomorrow to consult.

Meredith just nods, feeling grateful to be on the case.

Dr. Jones: Why don't we go take that blood and then go check on the expectant mother.

Meredith just nods and follows Dr. Jones into an empty exam room. Dr. Jones draws the blood and sends it to the lab. They then walk into the expectant mother's room. Dr. Jones smiles at the woman.

Dr. Jones: Hello, Betty. This is Dr. Grey, she is going to be assisting on your case.

Betty nods at Meredith and looks to Dr. Jones.

Betty: Are my babies okay?

Dr. Jones sits down on the side of the bed.

Dr. Jones: They are fine at the moment. There are some concerns regarding Baby 3 and Baby 5, but we have two of the best surgeons flying in tomorrow just in case. Nothing is positive at this moment. This is just for precaution.

Betty: Why would two of the best surgeons be flying out for just a precaution?

Betty is getting upset.

Dr. Jones: Well, it just so happens that one of them is my baby brother and he owes me. You and your babies are in great hands. Everything will be fine. You are all getting the best care possible.

Dr. Jones smiles warmly at Betty. Betty relaxes a bit and leans back on the bed, clutching her husband's hand.

Dr. Jones: We will be back in a bit to check on you. If you need anything, anything at all, don't hesitate to have me paged.

Betty nods and Dr. Jones smiles one last time before exiting the room, Meredith following her.

Dr. Jones: Dr. Grey, I want you to keep a close eye on her. She seems a bit depressed.

Meredith: Yes, Dr. Jones.

Dr. Jones: Let's go get your test results to make sure that you are healthy.

Dr. Jones smiles warmly at Dr. Grey and heads to the lab, Meredith following. Dr. Jones receives the test results and reads them quickly, a small smile playing on her lips. Meredith is fidgeting with her watch.

Dr. Jones: Well, Dr. Grey, you do not have the flu.

Meredith exhales a sigh of relief. She really wants to stay on this case. Meredith looks at her waiting for the results, wondering if it is food poisoning.

Dr. Jones: Congratulations, Dr. Grey. You're pregnant.

Meredith stands there in shock. She never expected this. Pregnant. Tears begin to run down her face. This is not the reaction that Dr. Jones expected.

Dr. Jones: Dr. Grey?? Are you okay??

Meredith looks into the familiar eyes of the doctor and shakes her head no. She then turns around and runs to the nearest on call room. As soon is the door is shut she collapses on the bed and begins sobbing. She is so caught up in her own thoughts she doesn't even notice the door open and a person sit down next to her on the bed. She doesn't notice the person in the room until she feels the feminine hands on her back.

Dr. Jones: Just breathe. Everything will be okay.

Meredith only sobs harder

Meredith: No…it….won't….I….I'm….a….dirty….whooooore…

Dr. Jones doesn't really know how to respond. She just continues to rub the back of the young intern.

Dr. Jones: I'm sure you're not a whore.

They sit there for a few more minutes until Meredith finally calms down. She sits up and looks at the doctor.

Dr. Jones: You can talk to me if you need to.

Meredith: I…I don't know…

She looks at her pensively through the corner of her eye.

Dr. Jones: Well, it's not like you have to worry about me telling anyone. I'm only going to be here for a couple of weeks and then I will be gone. I'm a good listener.

Meredith just nods and looks back into the doctor's eyes. For some reason she trusts her. She doesn't know why, she just finds comfort in her eyes.

Meredith: It's kind of a long story, but I will give you the short version.

Dr. Jones just nods and places a hand on Meredith's shoulder to show her emotional support and encouragement.

Meredith: See, it all started the night before my internship. I went to the banquet and I saw someone that caused me to be upset. I went to the bar across the street and met this guy. I tried to ignore him at first, but it was hard to ignore him for long. Well, I got drunk and he took advantage of me, or he was drunk and I took advantage of him. Either way, someone got taken advantage of. The next day I go into work, and he is my boss.

Dr. Jones gasps at this. Meredith and Dr. Jones both giggle and Meredith continues to tell her story.

Meredith: He wanted to date, and I refused. But eventually, I decided what the hell and started to date him. As much as I tried to deny it, I fell for him. I fell for him hard. After only two months of knowing him, I fell in love. Then, his wife showed up.

Dr. Jones gasps again. Meredith now has fresh tears running down her face again.

Meredith: I actually begged him to choose me, gave a whole speech and everything but he went back to his wife. It was so hard to be around them, but I knew if would be even harder not to be around him at all. I tried to get over him. Then we became friends, probably not the best idea. But I needed to be close to him, I needed to talk be able to talk to him. Well, then I started dating our vet and he got jealous and called me a whore. We had so much anger directed against each other. Then, prom happened.

Dr. Jones: Prom??

Meredith: Yeah, we had to throw a prom for the Chief's niece. Weird, I know. But I was dancing with Finn, that's the vet, and he kept looking at me. I couldn't breathe with him looking at me. I left Finn on the dance floor and ran down the hall to escape. I think a part of me knew he would follow me. I think a part of me hope that he would follow me. He followed me into an empty exam room and we yelled at each other. Then, he kissed me. All of our anger disappeared and I realized that I could only be that angry at someone I really loved. We had sex in that exam room. It was then that I realized I couldn't do it anymore. I couldn't watch him be happy with his wife while I felt like a part of me was missing. It hurt too much. It still hurts. Oh God, I'm rambling. I can't believe I just told you all of this. I've never…I just…I just needed someone to talk to.

Dr. Jones smiles at Meredith and squeezes her shoulder reassuringly.

Dr. Jones: It's okay. It sounds like you still love him.

Meredith nods.

Meredith: I do. I love him. I love him so much.

Meredith starts crying again.

Dr. Jones: What are you going to do?

Suddenly, a panicked look spreads across Meredith's face.

Meredith: I don't know. I….I can't not tell him, can I? I mean, he would be a great father and he deserves to know his child. But….I…he's married….I don't know….What do I do??

Dr. Jones: I can't tell you what to do. I can give you some advice though. That is, if you want it?

Meredith nods.

Dr. Jones: He has a right to know that he is going to be a father. If you don't tell him and you keep this from him, it could completely break him and you.

Meredith: I just….I don't want him to leave his wife just because I'm pregnant…but I also don't want another woman raising my child.

Dr. Jones: I understand that. But, if he loves you the way you love him, he really doesn't have much of a marriage anymore. It sounds to me like he has always loved you and he just went back to his wife out of obligation.

Meredith nods.

Meredith: You are good.

Dr. Jones: Well, one of my sister's is a shrink. I guess it eventually rubs off on you.

They both laugh.

Meredith: I will tell him. I just…I need a couple of days to process everything.

Dr. Jones nods in understanding.

Dr. Jones: That's understandable.

Meredith: Thank you, Dr. Jones. I really needed someone to talk to and I can't call anyone from back home and I don't really know anyone here.

Dr.Jones: It's no problem. Motherhood is one of the best blessings a person can receive.

Meredith: You have kids?

Dr. Jones: I have four and wouldn't change that for anything.

Dr. Jones gives Meredith a warm smile.

Meredith: I never really thought about children and I met him. I don't think I can do this alone.

Dr. Jones: I don't think you will have to. Just tell him, he will want to be there for both of you. If not, then you don't want someone like that in you or your child's life.

Meredith: You're right.

Dr. Jones: Of course I'm right. I'm always right.

Meredith jerks her head at this statement.

Dr. Jones: What is it?

Meredith: Nothing. It's just….that is something that he used to say all the time.

Dr. Jones doesn't say anything. She looks at Meredith and feels sorry for her. She can tell that she feels all alone. Meredith gets up from the bed as does Dr. Jones.

Meredith: Thank you again, Dr. Jones.

Dr. Jones: Call me Kathleen, and it's no problem Dr. Grey.

Meredith: Meredith. You can call me Meredith.

Meredith starts to walk out the door, when an idea occurs to Kathleen.

Kathleen: Meredith?

Meredith: Yes?

Kathleen: My brother is flying in tomorrow for a consult, how would you like to join us for dinner.

Meredith smiles.

Meredith: I don't want to intrude.

Kathleen: You won't be intruding. It would be a pleasure.

Meredith: Okay, I would love to.

Kathleen: Good.

They smile at each other before going to check on their patient again. After they check on Betty Kathleen pulls out her phone to call her brother.

Voice: Hello?

Kathleen: Is that the way you always answer your phone?

Voice: Hello, Kathleen.

Kathleen: Hello, Derek.


	5. Chapter 5

After he finishes the phone conversation with his sister, Derek gets up to leave his office. He opens the door to find Cristina standing there, about to knock on his door. They both jump slightly at the shock.

Derek: Dr. Yang?

Cristina: Dr. Shepherd, we need to talk.

Derek stands there, staring at her. He can't read her. She doesn't look too pissed, but she doesn't look happy either.

Cristina: In private.

Derek nods and moves aside to allow Cristina to enter his office. He sighs and follows her in. He sits down behind his desk and she sits in the chair that was previously occupied by the Chief. He glances up at her tentatively.

Derek: How can I help you, Dr. Yang?

Cristina: Cut the crap, Shepherd. Have you found out anything yet?

Derek: No.

Cristina sits back in her chair. She looks at him and actually pities him. She has seen the way he has fallen apart over the past five weeks. He's weak, but it shows that he really cares about her.

She is debating whether or not she should tell him that Meredith just called her. Derek notices the contemplative look on Cristina's face.

Derek: What is it?

Cristina: What are you talking about?

Derek: Well, you look like you want to tell me something, but you don't know if you should.

Damn. I will tell him she called, but I won't tell him what she said.

Cristina: I just got off of the phone with Meredith.

Derek: What?! How is she?! Is she coming back?! Did she tell you where she is?!

Cristina: Slow down, motor mouth. She says she is fine, but we both know that when she says she is fine she is never actually fine. She didn't tell me anything else really.

Derek: But…she hasn't called you since the night she left, surely there must have been something that prompted this call.

Derek's words cut through Meredith. She felt like crap because Meredith hadn't called her or answered any of her calls. She pretended she didn't care, but she did. Meredith was her person and she missed her.

She stands up and walks towards the door. Derek quickly stands up as well. She turns to face him before leaving his office.

Cristina: Look, it's not my place to tell you why she called me. I will tell you that you need to find her. Do whatever you have to do, but get her ass back here.

Derek (Loudly): I am trying.

Cristina eyes him.

Cristina: Well, TRY HARDER.

With these words she walks out leaving Derek stunned. Meredith called Cristina. Meredith called the Chief. Why hasn't Meredith called him? He still calls her once a day, hoping that eventually she would pick up. He hopes that eventually she will call him back. The only time he hears her voice is on her voicemail, and he needs that to get him through each day. He loves her so much. He sits back down behind his desk and places his head in his hands. He needs to go pack for his trip. His sister had twisted his arm to get him to do this consult, something about quints. They all started worrying about him after he left New York. Sometimes, he really hates being the baby of the family.

Derek closes his eyes for a moment and doesn't realize it when he drifts off to sleep. He begins to dream about Meredith, a common subject in all of his recent dreams. Just as he is reaching out to rub her very pregnant belly he is startled away by the loud, incessant ringing of his phone.

He has never had a dream about Meredith being pregnant.

This thought strikes him before he reaches down to answer his phone. He looks at the screen and is in complete shock at the name that reads across the display: MEREDITH.

He quickly answers the phone, not even bothering to act calm and collected.

Derek: Meredith??

Silence.

Derek: Mere??? Please, say something..

Silence.

Derek: Mer, I love you. Please come home. I love you so much.

Meredith begins to sob.

Derek: Mer, please. I love you. You have to know I love you. I need you. I choose you.

She gasps as these final words.

Meredith (in a quiet and harsh voice): You have a wife.

These words cut through Derek's heart.

Derek: Not..

Before he can finish his response, Meredith ends the connection.

Derek lets out a groan of exasperation. He needs to get through to her. He needs to see her, to make her hear him. He doesn't know how to do it. He doesn't know where she is. He doesn't know how she is. He doesn't know much at this moment. The only things that he knows are that he loves her and he is nothing without her. Tears run down his cheeks as a complete feeling of helpless overtakes him.

Derek boards the flights for Boston General. He actually hates flying. He feels so vulnerable and claustrophobic. He sits back in his first class seat, grasping his phone. He hasn't been able to get her sobs out of his head. He didn't even sleep last night. He runs his hand through his hair and dials the familiar number. Voicemail. He sighs as he hears the familiar voice, a calm seeping through his body. He hangs up without leaving a message. Just as he closes his eyes his phone begins to vibrate. He looks at it, hoping that it is Meredith. Disappointment overcomes his features as he reads the name: KATHY.

Derek: Hello?

Kathleen: Hello. Why do you sound so disappointed?

Derek: I was hoping that it was someone else.

Kathleen: Wow. I feel a little hurt.

Derek: It's not like that. I will fill you in when I get there.

Kathleen: Derek, are you okay?

Derek: No, Kathy, I'm not.

Kathleen: Derek…

Derek: Look Kathy, the plane is about to take off. I have to go. I will call you as soon as we land.

Kathleen: Okay, see you soon.

Derek: Yeah.

Derek hangs up the phone. He turns his phone off and leans back in the seat, closing his eyes. He tries to control his breathing as the plane takes off. He hates this part. As soon as the plane is in the air, Derek pulls out his ipod and puts his ear buds in. He keeps the volume low enough so that he can vaguely hear what is going on around him. He listens to The Clash. He loves The Clash. He chuckles to himself as he thinks about how he knew Meredith pretended to like them for his sake. She didn't know he knew, but he knew. He feels a hand on his shoulder that causes him to jump.

Flight Attendant: I'm sorry, sir. I didn't mean to frighten you. I was wondering if you would like anything to drink?

Derek: As much as I would love a stiff drink, I have to work after this flight. So, I am going to have to pass. Thank you, anyways.

Oh my God, I'm rambling. Meredith's tendency to ramble when she is nervous has rubbed off on me. He slightly chuckles at this thought. He then leans back in his seat and closes his eyes, hoping to catch a few hours of sleep before he has to deal with his sister and his sister's questions and the quints. He sighs. He misses Meredith. He drifts off to sleep thinking about how he can get her back.

Voice: Thank you for flying American Airlines. We hope you enjoyed your flight. Please faster your seat belts as we begin out descent.

This voice wakes Derek up. He fastens his seat belt and once again has to regulate his breathing. Once the plane is safely on the ground he quickly stands up and grabs his carryon. He then walks out of the terminal. Just as he is about to call his sister to let her know that he made it, he hears someone calling his name.

Voice: DEREK SHEPHERD!

He turns to the voice and sees his overly excited sister flailing her arms. He can't help but chuckle at her. He walks towards her and she immediately envelops him in a hug.

Derek: I was going to take a taxi.

Kathleen: I know, but I thought we could talk on the drive.

Derek groans. They walk to the car in silence, but once Kathleen drives out of the airport parking lot she begins the conversation which he is dreading.

Kathleen: So, what's wrong?

Derek: The short version?

Kathleen: The short version will do for now.

Derek: I really hurt the woman I love and she left. She left and now she won't answer my calls. I feel like I can't breathe without her…I don't really want to breathe without her…I need to find her…I need her. I love her.

Kathleen just stares at her brother, shock written all over her face.

Kathleen: Are you talking about Addison?

Derek lets out a rude laugh.

Derek: No, I am not talking about Addison.

Kathleen: Ah, you are talking about the intern.

Derek glances at her and gives her a glare.

Derek: Yes, I am talking about the intern. The intern who changed my life, she saved it really. The intern who I love. Do you have a problem with that?

Kathleen sighs.

Kathleen: No, I don't have a problem with that. You know I just want you to be happy. I really hope you find her.

Derek: Me too.

Derek decides that he needs to change the subject.

Derek: So, who are we having dinner with tonight again?

Kathleen smiles at her brother's obvious attempt at avoidance.

Kathleen: I will let you avoid this subject now, but we will talk about it later.

Derek: Whatever.

Kathleen: We are having dinner with the intern on the case.

Derek's mouth drops open.

Derek: Seriously? You give me hell about falling in love with an intern and you invite one over for dinner?? Seriously?

Kathleen laughs.

Kathleen: Since when did you start saying seriously?

Derek: Since I fell in love with the intern and started hanging out with her friends.

They both laugh at this.

Kathleen: Anyways, she just moved here about a month ago and doesn't really have any friends. Yesterday, she found out she was pregnant with a married man's baby. She obviously loves him, but he is married. She is trying to build up the courage to call him and tell him, so I thought she could use the company. But don't let her know I told you any of this.

Derek nods.

Derek: At least she is going to tell him. I would want to know.

Kathleen: I know you would. One of these days, you are going to make a great father. All the kids keep asking about their Uncle Derek.

A smile spreads across Derek's face at the mention of his nieces and nephews. They pull into the hospital parking lot and get out of the car. They walk into the hospital.

Kathleen: My intern should be waiting for me up on the OB/GYN floor.

Derek: Okay. I think it's best if we go directly to the patient's room. The sooner I know what I am dealing with the better.

Kathleen: Sounds like a plan.

They head upstairs and reach the OB/GYN floor. Kathleen looks around for her intern but doesn't see her.

Derek: So, where is this intern of yours?

Kathleen opens her mouth when she spots a petite woman with light brown hair throwing up in a trash can nearby.

Kathleen: Someone must have had something at lunch that made her sick.

She points in the direction of the intern and Derek glances at her quickly before turning his back to her.

Kathleen: Here she comes.

Derek hears her approaching from behind but doesn't bother to turn around and face her. However, as soon as she speaks he whips his head around quickly.


	6. Chapter 6

As soon as Meredith is done emptying the contents of her stomach she stands up. Damn ranch dressing. She still doesn't know how she is going to tell Derek. She tried to call him yesterday but couldn't bring herself to tell him over the phone. She needs to tell him in person. Unfortunately that requires seeing him and she doesn't know if she could handle that right now.

She notices Kathleen, Dr. Jones, standing at the nurses' station with a dark haired male. She assumes this is her brother. She begins walking towards Kathleen and gets this feeling in her stomach. She ignores it and continues walking. She approaches the back of the man, but he doesn't even acknowledge her presence. He must be an ass, most neurosurgeons are. They develop God complexes or something. Even Derek could be an ass, but she always found it sexy in him. She has to stop thinking about him. She is now standing a couple of feet behind the male doctor when she decides to speak.

Meredith: Sorry, Dr. Jones, ranch dressing makes me..

She stops suddenly. The ass has decided to turn around and she meets the eyes of HER ass.

He turns around quickly, thinking that there is no way that Kathy's intern can be HIS intern.

Their eyes meet and everything around them disappears. Time comes to a standstill. He sees the pain in her eyes and she sees the pain in his. Their love is apparent to anyone who happens to pass by. Their souls partake in a conversation driven by need while their mouths are unable to articulate anything intelligible. His blue eyes glisten as tears threaten to appear while her green eyes are already filled with tears. These reflecting pools of emotion portray so much pain and love, so much longing and need, so much desire and passion.

Meredith starts to feel nauseous.

Finally, the silence is broken.

Derek: Mer?

Her name roles off of his tongue like silk. She doesn't know what to do, what to say. She stands there for a minute. Her nausea can't be ignored any longer as the remnants of her lunch begin to work their way back up her esophagus she turns to find a trashcan, finally breaking the eye contact. He thinks that she is running away from him and reaches out to grab her arm. She shakes it off and runs to a trashcan only a few feet away. He is right there with her. She leans over the trashcan and starts vomiting again. He rubs her back, trying to comfort her and then it hits him. His Meredith is his sister's intern. Her intern that is pregnant with a married man's baby. His baby. He gasps.

He continues to rub small circles on Meredith's back as she continues to vomit. Once she is done she is completely exhausted and sits down on the floor next to the trashcan. She feels him sit down next to her but avoids making eye contact. He instinctively places his hand on her back. She exhales loudly. Suddenly, a voice reminds them that they are not alone.

Kathleen: So, Derek, I've seen you've met my intern.

Derek looks up at his sister and sees confusion written on her face. She looks down at the two of them and sees Derek's hand resting on Meredith's back. Realization dawns on her face.

Kathleen: Oh my God.

They both look up at her.

Kathleen points at Meredith:

Kathleen: You are the intern he is in love with and that left him heartbroken, understandably of course.

She then points at Derek.

Kathleen: You are the married man who she is in love with and chose his wife over her before sleeping with her at prom.

They both stare at her, mouths agape. They then look quickly at each other before Meredith looks away again. She looks up at Kathleen.

Oh God, how much did she tell him? Did she tell him about the baby? Meredith struggles to find her voice. She begs Kathleen with her eyes to tell her the question which she so badly wants the answer to.

Kathleen understands the look Meredith gives her and thinks it's best to tell her the truth. Then it hits her. She is going to be an aunt. Derek is going to be a father. He is going to be a great father. Tears fill her eyes.

Kathleen: I told him. I'm sorry. I didn't know who you are.

Meredith just nods and then lets her head fall into her hands. Kathleen bends down and gives Derek a hug. She then gives Meredith a hug. At this touch, Meredith begins to sob. Kathleen doesn't know what to do. She holds her for a minute before letting go. She looks at Derek.

Kathleen: Why don't you take her to an on call room, somewhere you two can talk alone.

Derek nods and stands up. He leans down to help Meredith up, but she doesn't move. He squats down so that he is level with her.

Derek (in a soothing voice): Mer?

She sobs even harder.

Derek: Mer, why don't we go somewhere private?

She nods but still doesn't move. He reaches out his hand and she places her hand in his. Their hands are a perfect fit. He tries to lift her but she still doesn't rise to her feet.

Meredith (in a hushed voice): I can't, I am a little dizzy.

Derek: Are you okay? Do you need for me to get you something?

Meredith shakes her head no. He is already trying to take care of her.

Meredith: Derek?

He looks at her hopefully. His name sounds so natural rolling off of her tongue.

Derek: Yeah?

Meredith: I'm sorry.

She starts sobbing again.

Derek takes her face in his hands and forces her to look at him.

Derek: Mer, what are you sorry for?

Meredith: I…I…I'm pregnant.

It feels so good coming from her he can't help but smile.

Derek: Meredith, do not apologize for such a blessing. I couldn't be happier.

She looks at him.

Meredith: Seriously??

Derek: Seriously.

Meredith: But…what about Addison?

Derek sighs. He realizes that she hasn't listened to his messages so she doesn't know.

Derek: Our divorce was finalized last week.

A smile starts to form at the corner of her mouth.

Meredith: Seriously??

He chuckles and pushes a stray strand of hair out of her face.

Derek: Seriously.

She leans forward and lets her forehead rest on his. He watches her, her eyes are closed. They are enjoying the proximity of the other and the touching of their skin that is sending electricity through both of their spines. So much needs to be said, but both ignore the problems of the past and the question of the future and just enjoy the moment that is presently occurring.


	7. Chapter 7

Meredith finally decides to break the silence, bringing them both back to reality.

Meredith: Derek, I really don't feel well.

Derek: What is it?

Meredith: I think it's my blood sugar. I think it's too low.

Derek just nods. He stands up and leans down and picks her up off of the floor. She wraps her arms around his neck and buries her head into his chest, inhaling his musky scent. Derek leans his head down and kisses her on the top of her head, breathing in her lavender scent. God he loves the way she smells. He sees his sister and gets her attention.

Kathleen: What's wrong? Is she okay?

Derek: She says she feels like her blood sugar is too low.

Kathleen: Okay. Follow me. I will take some blood and also prick her finger to check her blood sugar.

Derek just nods and follows his sister. They enter an exam room and Derek lays Meredith down on the bed. She looks up at him and he brushes a strand of hair out of her face. He grabs her hand and she doesn't object.

Kathleen: So, are you just feeling dizzy…or is there anything else?

Meredith: My head is throbbing a bit, but I think that is from vomiting.

Kathleen: Probably. First, I'm going to prick your finger to check your blood sugar.

Meredith nods and Kathleen proceeds to check her blood sugar.

Kathleen: You were right. Your blood sugar is a bit low, probably from vomiting. Have you been experiencing morning sickness with your pregnancy?

Meredith: Yeah.

Kathleen: How much?

Meredith: Well, I wake up in the morning and am sick for about half an hour. Also, certain foods are already starting to make me sick.

Kathleen: Some people are just extra sensitive during their pregnancy. It may change, but it may not.

Meredith just nods. Derek squeezes her hand. Kathleen smiles at her baby brother and he smiles back.

Kathleen: Okay, Meredith. Now I'm going to take some blood.

Meredith flinches a little.

Derek: What is it?

Meredith: You will think it's stupid.

Derek feigns hurt.

Derek: I will not. Just tell me.

Meredith: I don't really hate needles, but I don't like them either.

Derek chuckles.

Derek: I can't believe I forgot that.

Meredith: I never told you that.

Derek: You kind of hinted at it once, when you asked me to draw blood for you.

Meredith: Oh yeah.

She hesitates.

Derek: What is it?

Meredith: Will you draw the blood for me?

Derek smiles at her.

Derek: Of course I will.

Derek puts on a pair of gloves and his sister hands him the needle and the vial. He sticks the needle in her arm and Meredith doesn't even feel it. He looks up at her and meets her eyes. They exchange smiles. He finishes collecting the blood and hands the sample to his sister. He applies pressure to the spot where he stuck her with the needle.

Kathleen: I am going to run this to the lab and then check on Betty. I will be back here in a little while. I am sure you guy could use the privacy.

Derek and Meredith both nod and smile at his sister.

Derek: Thanks, Kathy. Why don't you bring the patient's file in for me to look at?

Meredith: Derek, you can go see her. I will be fine.

Derek looks at her.

Derek: I am not leaving you.

Derek's voice is stern and Meredith knows not to argue with him.

Kathleen: I will. Meredith, you should probably take the rest of the day off. I will talk to you resident.

Meredith: I'm fine. Really.

Kathleen: We'll see about that when we get the test results back.

Kathleen walks out of the exam room, leaving Meredith and Derek alone for the first time since he found her. Well, more like stumbled upon her. He sighs and pulls a chair up next to the bed and then recaptures Meredith's hand in his own, never wanting to let her go again. His touch causes her skin to erupt in goosebumps and sends electricity down his own spine.

Meredith looks at him tentatively. He smiles at her, causing her heart to flutter.

Meredith: So, Dr. Jones is your sister?

Derek: Luckily.

Meredith: I thought her eyes looked familiar.

Derek: What do you mean?

Meredith: You two, you have the same eyes. Not really the same because your eyes say so much, but you know what I mean.

Derek: No, I don't. Elaborate please.

He has a smile on his face. She hits him softly on the arm.

Meredith: Well, you eyes get a shade darker when your…

She trails off.

Derek: When I'm what?

He is clearly amused.

Meredith: When you want sex.

Derek chuckles.

Derek: Seriously?

Meredith: Seriously. And they get a shade lighter when you laugh.

He cocks his head to the side and smiles at her.

Derek: You know me well.

Meredith: Well, I hope so. We are having a baby together.

The room becomes silent. Finally, Derek speaks quietly.

Derek: Yes, yes we are.

He leans over and kisses her on the forehead again. Meredith closes her eyes and feels her body relax after the shock waves pass through her body which were brought on by the feeling of his lips on her skin. She wants those lips all over her skin. Now.

Derek: Mer?

Meredith: Mmmhmm?

Derek: We should really talk.

Meredith's eyes pop open and her former feelings of desire are replaced with fear and anxiety. She notices the calm and loving look in his eyes and immediately calms down.

Meredith: Yeah, I guess we should.

Meredith sighs. Derek leans forward and squeezes her hand reassuringly.

Derek: Why did you leave?

Meredith leans back on the bed and looks at him. She sees the hurt in his eyes.

Meredith: We had sex and you were married. I didn't do it to hurt you. I did it because I couldn't be with you and not be with you anymore. It hurt too much.

Derek nods. He understands her reasoning.

Derek: Why didn't you ever answer or return any of my calls?

Tears start to run down her face. He immediately reaches up to wipe them away with his thumb.

Meredith: I knew that if I talked to you I wouldn't be able to stay away.

Derek: So, why did you stay away?

Meredith: Because I thought you were still with Addison.

Derek nods. Her answers are short, but at least they are answers.

Derek: When did you find out about the baby?

Meredith (in a quiet voice): Yesterday.

Derek suddenly realizes something.

Derek: Is that why you tried to call me?

Meredith nods. She begins sobbing.

Meredith: I tried…but…I couldn't tell you….not yet…I still….I needed to process it all first.

There is silence in the room, neither really knowing what to say. Meredith continues to cry.

Meredith: I'm sorry. I'm so sorry.

Derek climbs up in the bed with her and envelops her tiny body in his arms. He runs his fingers through her hair and places the other hand on her back, rubbing it up and down in an attempt to calm her. Her body immediately relaxes against his. This is how it is suppose to be. Their bodies fit perfect together. They belong together.

Derek: Shhh…it's okay…you have nothing to be sorry for. I was an ass. I have been trying to find you ever since you left.

Meredith looks up at him when he says this.

Meredith: You have?

Derek looks down at her and their eyes meet. He reaches down and runs a finger along her jaw line. She shudders at his soft caressing.

Derek: Yeah.

He pauses for a moment before continuing.

Derek: I love you, Mer. I love you so much that it hurts to breathe without you. I don't want to breathe without you. I miss you. I need you. I want you. I….I love you.

They both have tears running down their faces now. Meredith reaches up and wipes his tears away. He grabs her hand and brings it to his lips, kissing it softly and causing her skin to erupt in goosebumps.

Meredith: Derek?

Derek: Yeah?

Meredith: Why did you divorce Addison? I mean, why now?

Derek sighs. He knew she was going to ask this question. He hopes that she would ask this question.

Derek: At prom I realized that I love you. I am always going to love you. I couldn't ignore it anymore. The reason I stayed with Addison was because of the ring, but the ring lost its meaning in our marriage. We may have been legally married, but, Mer, I feel like we are spiritually married. I did love Addison at one point, but I have NEVER, I repeat NEVER, felt about anyone the way I feel about you. Don't you see? You are it for me. You are the person that makes me feel complete. Being with you makes me feel like a better man. Hell, it makes me want to be a better man. I want to be the best lover, boyfriend, and eventually husband for you. You, Meredith Grey, you are the love of my life and my soul mate.

Meredith now has a constant stream of tears running down her face, but these are tears of happiness. He wipes them away with a movement of his thumb.

Meredith: I…I…really don't know what to say.

Derek looks a little hurt and she notices this. She looks away and then back up at him.

Meredith: I love you, Derek. I really do. I just…I need time to process everything.

He smiles upon hearing these words roll off of her lips and nods.

Derek: I understand.

There is silence in the room.

Derek: Mer, I hate to ask this, but I have to.

Suddenly, Meredith feels dread enter her stomach. She nods for him to ask the question.

Derek: Are you going to return to Seattle?

Meredith wasn't expecting him to ask this question. She had already thought about this, but hadn't made up her mind.

Meredith: I…I don't know.

Derek sighs and runs his hand through his hair.

She looks up at him and sees the disappointment.

Meredith: Just let me think about it, Der. Just give me until the end of the day.

Derek: Okay. I don't want to push you. But I really love Seattle and I know you do as well.

Meredith: Do you mean you would move here if I decide not to go back?

The corner of her mouth curls up in a smile.

Derek: Of course I would. I can't be apart from you any longer. I love you. Plus, there is no way in hell that I am missing any part of your pregnancy. You, Meredith Grey, are going to be a very beautiful pregnant woman.

Meredith blushes. She has made up her mind, but decides to make him wait to let him know.

Meredith: I am going to turn into a freaking whale.

Derek: But, you will be the most beautiful whale in the sea.

Meredith: That was extremely cheesy, Derek. Even for you.

Derek: What does that mean?

Meredith looks up at him and smiles.

Meredith: Nothing. I happen to adore your cheesiness.

Derek smiles at Meredith as he hears this statement. He readjusts himself on the bed so that their faces are now closer together. She leans into his body and looks up into his face. She wants to kiss him so badly but they have so many things to work out. Screw it. She reaches her hands up behind his head and pulls him down to where his face is only centimeters away from hers. She can feel his hot breath on her face and he can feel hers on his. He has a shocked expression on his face and he raises his eyebrows in question.

Meredith (softly): Derek?

Derek(softly): Yeah?

Meredith: Kiss me, now!

Derek doesn't wait for any more invitation, but lowers his lips to meet hers. His lips meets her soft, moist lips and he instantly moans in pleasure. She runs her tongue along his bottom lip and opens her eyes to see his reaction. His eyes are closed in pleasure and a smile curls the edge of her mouth. She keeps her eyes open as she begins to suck on his bottom lip. He feels her eyes on him and opens his eyes. Their eyes meet and they gaze into each other's eyes as Derek opens his mouth and pushes his tongue into Meredith's mouth. His tongue meets hers and their tongues push against each other, both wanting to taste the other.

Meredith runs her fingers through Derek's hair just as the door to the exam room opens, interrupting their little reunion.


	8. Chapter 8

_Meredith runs her fingers through Derek's hair just as the door to the exam room opens, interrupting their little reunion._

Kathleen: Oh my gosh, I'm sorry. I didn't mean to interrupt. I will just, come back. Yeah, I'll come back.

She turns to leave. Derek chuckles and Meredith blushes.

Derek: Kathy!

Kathleen turns around and faces her brother, her face blushing as well.

Derek: It's okay. Do you have the test results?

Kathleen re-enters the room and stands at the foot of the bed.

Kathleen: Yeah. It seems that your blood sugar was just a little low, as the finger prick showed, probably from vomiting and not having anything in your stomach. You should go get something to eat and then I don't see the problem with you returning to work to finish your shift.

Meredith nods.

Meredith: Thank you.

Derek: Yeah, thank you Kathy.

Kathleen: Hey, what are big sisters for?

Derek chuckles. Kathleen looks at the pair.

Kathleen: So, have you guys made up?

Meredith looks at Derek and then at Kathleen.

Meredith: We are working on it.

Kathleen: Well, that's good. Are you still coming to dinner tonight?

Meredith: I…I don't know.

Derek looks down at her, a little hurt.

Derek: What do you mean you don't know?

Meredith: I just…I may need some time to think about things…I'm not sure..I just…I don't know.

Meredith's eyes fill with tears. Derek starts to rub her back.

Derek: It's okay Mer, I didn't mean to upset you.

Meredith: It's not you. It's the damn estrogen. I'm only five freaking weeks and it's already the estrogen.

Derek chuckles.

Derek: Okay. I really wish you would come to dinner tonight.

Meredith: I know. I want to come. I really do. I just…I don't know.

Derek runs his fingers through her hair.

Derek: Look, I'm not going to pressure you to make a decision about Seattle. I love you. I am not leaving here without you, but I'm not going to pressure you. I will be here for about two weeks. If you still don't know after that, then I will look into a transfer. I want to spend time with you, Meredith. So, please come to dinner tonight.

Meredith looks at Kathleen and then back at Derek.

Meredith: Fine.

Derek smiles and leans down and kisses her on the forehead. Derek looks at Kathleen and she has tears in her eyes. She quickly wipes them away, hoping no one notices.

Kathleen: So, have you told mom yet? She is going to be ecstatic.

Derek opens his mouth and then closes it again.

Derek: No…I haven't. I…I haven't even thought about it honestly.

Kathleen: Well, you should. She will probably insist on coming to Boston to meet you (she looks at Meredith) but I'm sure she will love you.

Derek looks at Meredith. She looks up at him and he sees the anxiety in her face.

Kathleen: You guys should both go get something to eat and I will see you back here in about an hour.

Meredith and Derek get up from the bed and walk out of the exam room. He puts his arm around her and pulls her body close to his. He inhales the scent of her hair and lets out a sigh of contentment.

Meredith: It's okay.

Derek: What is okay?

Meredith: For you to call you mom. She should know.

Derek smiles and squeezes Meredith closer.

Derek: I will call her as soon as we get in the car.

Meredith and Derek walk to the parking lot and it dawns on Derek that he doesn't have a car. Meredith giggles as this dawns on him. She hands him her keys.

Meredith: You can drive my car. I'm not sure I should be driving right now.

Derek smiles at her and they walk to Meredith's car. He gets in and they sit there. He pulls out his cell phone and looks over at Meredith, a huge smile on his face.

Derek: You ready?

Meredith: You are the one that is going to talk to her.

Derek: Well, she may want to talk to you.

Meredith: What?

Her face pales a little.

Derek: Don't worry. It will be okay.

Meredith just nods silently. Derek dials the number and waits for the person to answer on the other line. He puts the phone on speaker phone so Meredith can hear the conversation.

Mrs. Shepherd: Hello?

Derek: Hey, Mom!

Mrs. Shepherd: Derek! It's great to hear from you. It's been too long. You should call your mother more often.

He looks at Meredith with a look of guilt on his face.

Derek: I know Mom. I'm sorry.

Mrs. Shepherd: Well, how have you been?

Derek: I'm much better now.

Derek reaches over and grabs Meredith's hand and squeezes. She smiles at him.

Derek: Actually, Mom, that's why I'm calling you. I have some news.

Mrs. Shepherd: I already heard about the finalization of your divorce from Addison. Your sister told me. I can't believe you didn't call. I must say I was a bit relieved, it was obvious that you didn't love her anymore. I did hear something about an intern that has captured your heart.

Derek: Yeah, Mom, she has. I love her. I love her more than I've ever loved anyone.

Mrs. Shepherd: Derek, honey, that's great. I'm so happy for you. When am I going to meet this lovely woman?

Derek: Hopefully, soon.

Mrs. Shepherd: Are you thinking about marriage? Because I would love for you to give me some more grandchildren. You will make a great father. Although, I would understand if you want to wait before getting married again.

Derek looks at Meredith. He now has tears in his eyes as does she.

Derek: Actually, Mom, that is something that I want to talk to you about.

Mrs. Shepherd: Did you already propose? What did she say?

Derek chuckles at his mother's excitement and looks over at Meredith. She is much more relaxed than she was at the beginning of the phone call.

Derek: I haven't proposed…yet.

Meredith jerks her head in his direction, shocked at his statement.

Mrs. Shepherd: So, you are planning to propose?

Derek: Eventually. When the time is right.

He keeps his eyes on Meredith while he says this, never breaking their eye contact.

Derek: But that isn't my news.

Mrs. Shepherd: Well, then, what is it? Don't keep your poor old mom waiting.

Derek: I am going to be a father.

This is the first time Derek has said these words out loud. Tears now begin to fall from his eyes. Meredith reaches up to wipe them away. His mother gasps..

Mrs. Shepherd: Derek, that is great! I am so happy for you! I must meet this amazing woman who has captured your heart and is now going to make you a father. When can I meet her?

Derek looks at Meredith, searching for the answer to this question.

Derek: I'm not sure.

Meredith: Actually, Mrs. Shepherd, maybe Derek and I can take some time off of work to come to New York soon.

Derek looks at her, amazed at her words.

Mrs. Shepherd: She's there? Why didn't you tell me? It's so nice to meet you…

Meredith: Meredith, Meredith Grey.

Mrs. Shepherd: Well, it's great to meet you, Meredith. I can't wait to meet you in person. You two should definitely come for a visit. Everyone would really love that.

Derek: Okay Mom. We will try. I promise. We need to go get something to eat, but I will call you tomorrow and let you know when we are coming.

Mrs. Shepherd: Okay, honey. Congratulations to both of you. I couldn't be happier. You keep him in line Meredith.

Meredith laughs and looks over at Derek.

Meredith: I will try.

Derek feigns a look of hurt.

Derek: Goodbye, Mother.

Mrs. Shepherd: Goodbye, Dears. I love you.

Derek: Love you too.

Derek ends the call and looks over at Meredith, his eyes full of love. He reaches over and brushes a piece of hair out of her face.

Derek: I love you.

Meredith smiles at him.

Meredith: I love you too.


	9. Chapter 9

Derek and Meredith drive to a restaurant near the hospital. They pull into the parking lot and Derek gets out of the car first. He walks over to Meredith's side of the car but she is already out of the car by the time he gets there.

Derek: Hey, you were supposed to let me open the door.

Meredith: Are you trying to be my knight in shining…whatever?

Derek: I am trying.

He smiles his McDreamy smile and Meredith giggles at him.

Derek: Well, I have a lot of making up to do.

Meredith: Yes, yes you do.

He walks towards her, backing her up against the car. She gasps at his proximity. Her heart begins to beat faster as his body nears her own. His eyes travel down her body. He notes her heaving chest and can't help but smirk. He lingers on her breasts before moving down to her stomach. He smiles. The stomach where his, where their, baby is growing.

He looks into her eyes. His body inches closer to hers and her lips begin to tingle in anticipation. Her breathing becomes even more labored. He places his hand on her face and she leans into his touch breathing a sigh of relief. She closes her eyes to savor his touch. God, she missed his touch. His strong, soft, surgeon hands on her smooth, soft, milky skin. She opens her eyes and meets his brilliant pools of blue.

Meredith (huskily): I've missed you. I've missed you so much.

Before Meredith can speak another word, Derek responds by pressing his lips against Meredith's. She gasps at the feel of having his lips once again meeting her. Derek's hand moves through her hair and travels down her back, forcing her body even closer to his. She can feel his growing erection against her stomach and she giggles into his mouth. Her giggle causes her mouth to open slightly and Derek takes advantage and pushes his tongue into her mouth. She gasps at this surprise and then moans into his mouth, only increasing Derek's evident desire.

Their tongues search each other's mouths until they find it necessary to catch their breath. They both stand their panting with their foreheads touching. Derek opens his eyes to meet the bright green eyes of Meredith. They smile at each other. He runs the pad of his thumb along her jaw and over her swollen lips. He kisses her quickly on the lips before kneeling down in front of her.

Meredith: Derek, what are you doing?

Derek looks up at her and smiles. She places her hands in his hair, her fingers winding through his curls. He runs his along the top of her jeans causing her to inhale sharply. He slowly lifts up her shirt, exposing her abdomen. He looks up at her as he brings his lips to her stomach. She gasps as his moist lips make contact with her skin. He plants slow kisses all around her belly button.

Derek (to her stomach in a soft voice): Hey, baby. Your mommy and daddy already love you so much. We can't wait for you to get here. You are going to be either daddy's little princess or his little slugger. I love you.

Derek kisses Meredith's stomach one more time before standing up. Meredith has tears running down her face. He runs the pad of his thumb under her eyes, wiping away her tears. She grabs his face and pulls him in for a passionate kiss. When they finally break apart he looks at her and cocks his head to the side.

Meredith: I love you. I love you so much.

A broad smile crosses his face and he leans forward and kisses her on the forehead.

Derek: I love you too.

Derek begins to put his arm around her to guide her into the restaurant.

Meredith: Derek?

Derek: Yeah?

Meredith: Did you mean what you said earlier?

Derek: About?

Meredith: Marriage. Do you really want to marry me?

Derek turns and faces Meredith. She suddenly feels nervous. She looks down at the ground and begins to fidget with her watch.

Meredith: I don't mean right now. Because that would be crazy, right? I mean, you just got divorced and I'm pregnant. We are going to be parents. Oh my God, we are going to be parents. We have so much to do and planning a wedding would only increase to that. I mean,

Derek: Meredith?

Meredith: What would people think if we just rushed into marriage? Definitely not ready for marriage yet. I just..I mean..what you told your mom on the phone..

Derek (a little louder): Meredith?

Meredith: What?

She looks up at him and he has a huge smile on his face. He brings his hand up to cup her face.

Derek: You are rambling.

She blushes and starts to fidget with her watch again.

Meredith: I just…you know..I don't know..

Derek: Shut up.

She looks up at him in shock and he has an ever bigger grin on his face. He cocks his head to the side and begins to stroke her face with thumb.

Derek: I love you, Meredith Grey. Yes, I do want to marry you. I want to marry you as soon as you are ready. I have wasted too much of my life away from you already and I know that I want to spend the rest of my life with you. I want to build a family with you. I want to make memories with you. I want to spend the rest of my life fighting with you and making love to you. You, Meredith Grey, are it for me. I know that. I see you, and I feel like my chest is too small to contain my heart. I love you, Meredith Grey, and I can't wait until the day that you become Meredith Shepherd. That does have a nice ring to it.

Meredith has tears running down her face. She loves him. She loves him so much. He is it for her and she knows it. She inhales deeply and looks into his deep blue eyes. She sees the love he has for her. She doesn't care what anyone thinks. She doesn't want to be apart from him any longer.

Meredith (quietly): I'm ready, Derek.

Derek looks confused. He doesn't know exactly what she is talking about.

Derek: Okay, then let's go eat.

Meredith giggles.

Meredith: No. I mean I'm ready. I'm ready to be Dr. Shepherd.

He looks at her quickly and sees the seriousness and love in her eyes. He quickly leans in and kisses her passionately. He breaks away and leans his forehead against hers, gazing lovingly into her eyes.

Derek: Are you sure? I don't want to rush you.

Meredith: You're it for me, Derek. I love you. I love you so much that it hurts to breathe without you. This past month I haven't felt human because you weren't in my life. I need you, Derek. I need you to make me human. I never thought about forevers or children until I met you. I want you to be the one constant in my life for the rest of my life. I want to fall asleep in your arms and wake up to your scruffy face kissing my neck. I want you, Derek Shepherd. As they said in "Jerry Maguire", you complete me. I love you and nothing would make me happier than having the pleasure of calling you my husband and being called your wife.

Tears are now flowing freely from both of their eyes. She wraps her arms around his neck and he looks deep into her eyes.

Derek: I love you.

Meredith: I love you.

Derek: Meredith Grey?

Meredith: Yes, Derek Shepherd?

Derek: Will you make me the happiest man in the world and do me the honor of marrying me?

A huge smile spreads across both of their faces. Meredith begins to nod her head profusely.

Meredith: YES! Yes, Derek Shepherd! I will marry you!

Derek suddenly picks Meredith up and swings her around in a circle. She begins giggling. He sets her back down on the ground and immediately takes her face in his hands, placing his forehead on hers.

Derek: I love you. I love you so much. Thank you. Thank you for loving me too.

Meredith smiles at him and her stomach growls loudly. Derek chuckles.

Derek: I guess that's our cue that you need to be fed.

Meredith nods and Derek envelops her in a tight hug before wrapping his arm around her and leading her into the restaurant. Meredith looks up at Derek, her eyes full of happiness.

Meredith: Derek?

Derek looks down at her and she sees extreme happiness in his eyes as well. They smile widely at each other.

Meredith: I love you too.

**Sooo sorry this took so long...I lost the documents on my comp and the link to where it was on the net...so yah...I'll post another chapter in a minute. **

**-Marci**


	10. Chapter 10

Meredith and Derek arrive back at the hospital, both smiling ear to ear. They walk in the front doors and are almost immediately greeted by Kathleen.

Kathleen: Hey, are you feeling any better?

Meredith looks up at Derek and smiles. Derek returns her smile.

Meredith: Much.

Kathleen: Mom called me. She couldn't be happier. Said you guys were going to come and visit her?

Derek: Yeah.

Kathleen: Well, let me know when you plan on going. It would be nice if we could all get together again. It has been too long.

Derek: Yes. Yes it has.

Kathleen: Okay. Well, why don't we go check on Betty.

Derek: Sounds like a plan.

They all walk up to Betty's room.

Kathleen: Hello, Betty. This is Dr. Shepherd, the neurosurgeon who will be working to ensure the health of your baby.

Betty: Hello, Dr. Shepherd.

Derek: Hello, Betty.

Derek smiles at her and then looks at Meredith and gives her his McDreamy smile. Meredith feels her knees go weak and her face begins to flush. Betty notices this interaction.

Betty: Ahh, Dr. Shepherd, I see you have met Dr. Grey.

Betty smiles at them. Derek smiles back at her. He tilts his head to the side.

Derek: Yes. Yes, I have. I actually tricked her into marrying me. Can you believe that?

Kathleen gasps and Derek looks at Meredith lovingly. He winks at her and mouths "I love you" to her. Meredith blushes and averts her gaze to the ground. She fidgets with her watch. Derek chuckles.

Derek: Did I embarrass you, Dr. Grey?

Meredith: Maybe. A little.

Derek motions for her to approach him and she does so tentatively. He drapes his arm over his shoulder and kisses her hair.

Betty: You two are so cute. It is obvious that you are in love.

Derek: She makes me the happiest man in the world.

Meredith: Don't listen to him. He's competitive about everything. He has an ego the size of the Space Needle.

They room erupts in laughter. Derek squeezes Meredith's shoulder before dropping his arm and focusing his attention on the patient.

Derek: Okay, Betty. I am going to insert a shunt to help relieve the built-up pressure on the brain. I don't want you to worry. Everything will be okay.

Betty: How can you be so sure?

Derek: I am very good at what I do, Betty.

Kathleen: He is. Your daughter is in the most capable hands.

Betty nods. A look of perturbation crosses her face. Meredith notices this. She moves forward slightly.

Meredith: What is it, Betty?

Betty: It's just…If I had listened to the doctor's…If I had taken their advice…I wouldn't be having quints and my babies would be healthier…

Betty starts sobbing. Meredith sits down on the side of the bed. Derek and Kathleen both move towards her but Meredith holds up her hand, stopping them in their tracks.

Meredith takes Betty's hand in her own.

Meredith: Betty, look at me.

Betty continues to sob into her hands.

Meredith (in a sterner voice): Betty, look at me.

Betty finally looks up at Meredith and her eyes meet Meredith's, which are full of concern and sympathy. Derek and Kathleen watch curiously as they wander how this intern will be able to calm this patient.

Meredith: You didn't do this. Even if you hadn't gotten pregnant with quints, something could still have gone wrong. You can't control that. You are an amazing woman and you are going to be an amazing woman. You are having five wonderful children. Five children who you will always love unconditionally and don't you ever regret having any of them. Each one of them is a separate blessing. Make sure you know that and that they always know that. You love them so much already and that is why this hurts so much. You have always loved them. You loved them even before they were conceived. You hurting this much, this just proves how much you love them and how great of a mother you already are.

Betty has now stopped sobbing and tears are in the eyes of everyone present in the room, including Derek and Meredith.

Meredith: Dr. Shepherd, Derek, is an amazing doctor and an even better human being. He is going to take great care of your daughter.

Betty: How do you know that everything will be okay?

Meredith looks up at Derek. Her eyes are full of love and her mouth curls up in a smile.

Meredith: Sometimes…sometimes you just have to take things on faith.

Meredith, Derek, and Kathleen exit Betty's room together. Derek places his hand on the small of Meredith's back and she leans into his touch.

Kathleen: Dr. Grey, that was…

Derek: Amazing. You did amazing in there.

He looks down at her and meets her bright green eyes. She smiles at him. Meredith shrugs.

Meredith: I just spoke what I felt. It's really nothing.

Derek moves his body to face Meredith's. He grips her shoulders with his hands.

Derek: Yes it is. It is something…to me. I never knew you felt that way.

Meredith: That's because I never knew I felt that way. It must be all the extra estrogen.

Derek chuckles and Meredith giggles. Kathleen watches them.

Kathleen: I'm really happy for you two. You are great together.

Both: Thanks.

Meredith stands there for a minute and looks up at Derek. She shifts on her feet and fidgets with her watch. Derek notices her obvious signs of nervousness.

Derek: What is it, Mer?

Meredith: What do you mean, Dr. Shepherd?

He picks up on her attempt at professionalism in the work place and sighs.

Derek: You are nervous.

Meredith: What? I am not.

Derek: Yes, you are. I know you. You always fidget with your watch when you are nervous.

Damn. She looks up at him. She can't tell him. Not yet.

Meredith: Really, it's nothing.

She glances at her watch.

Meredith: Look, I've got to run. I will see you later.

Derek: We are still on for dinner, right?

Meredith: We'll see.

Derek watches her disappear down the hallway. He knows that something is wrong. He just doesn't know what it is. He feels sadness for the first time since he first laid eyes on her again that day. She is shutting him out. She is good at shutting him out. But he doesn't know why. He sighs. He feels Kathleen's hand on his forearm.

Kathleen: What is it Derek?

Derek: Nothing.

Kathleen: Come on, you can talk to me.

Derek: It's just… (sigh)…I know that there is something wrong with her, but she wouldn't tell me.

Kathleen chuckles. Derek looks at her angrily.

Derek: I don't think it's funny.

Kathleen: Derek, you can't expect her to tell you everything she is feeling all the time. When she is ready for you to know, she will tell you.

Derek (under his breath): I hope so.

(Scene switches to Meredith)

Meredith walks quickly away from Derek. She can feel his eyes burning holes into the back of her skull. She rounds the corner and immediately enters an on call room. As soon as the door is closed she falls to the ground, her back against the door. Sobs begin to shake her body. She pulls out her cell phone and calls the only person she feels that she can talk to at the moment.

Voice: Hello?

Meredith is still sobbing.

Voice: Meredith?

Meredith: Cris…tin…a…Oh..my…God..

Cristina: What is it, Meredith? You saw him didn't you? What did that bastard do to you?? I swear I'm going to kick his ass.

Meredith: He…didn't…nothing..

Cristina: Okay, Mere, you really need to breathe.

Meredith: I….can't….

Cristina: So, he didn't do anything to make you this way?

Meredith begins to struggle even more to breathe.

Meredith: No.

Cristina: Where is he?

Meredith: I…ran…from….him…

Cristina: Why?

Meredith: What….if…I…screw…this…up…

Cristina: Screw what up? I need you to breathe Meredith.

Meredith: Baby.

Cristina: What if you screw the baby up?

Meredith: Yes.

Meredith's chest begins to hurt from her struggle to breathe. Her strain is evident to Cristina, who is actually starting to feel scared for her person.

Cristina: Meredith, listen to me. Breathe. Where are you?

Meredith: On…call…..room….chest…hurts…

Cristina: Okay, just breathe Meredith.

Meredith: Can't.

Cristina: Shit! Please, Meredith, just breathe.

Silence.

Cristina: Meredith?? MEREDITH!!

All that Cristina hears is the strained breathing of Meredith. She makes a decision. She hangs up the phone and dials a number.

Voice: Dr. Shepherd speaking.

Cristina: Listen, jackass, Meredith is somewhere hyperventilating. She can't breathe and you need to find her.

Derek feels the panic rising in his chest. He looks at his sister and she sees the fear and anxiety on his face.

Derek: I don't know where she is.

Cristina: She said she was in an on call room. You better hurry. When I hung up the phone she couldn't even speak.

Derek: Shit! Shit, shit shit shit!

He looks frantically at his sister.

Kathleen: Derek, what is it??

Derek: On call rooms…where are they?

Kathleen takes note of the desperation in his voice.

Kathleen: There are three on this floor. Follow me.

Kathleen leads Derek to one on call room, but Meredith is not there. She approaches the second one and before he even opens the door he can hear her labored breathing. He ignores the shouts of Cristina and drops his phone on the ground. He quickly opens the door and the sight before him breaks his heart. Meredith is sprawled on the cold floor, her hair spread out on the floor and over her face. The side of her face is pressed against the floor and her back is heaving up and down as she struggles to breathe. He sees the terror in her eyes and is immediately down in the floor with her. He looks at his sister.

Derek: Oxygen!

His sister turns on her heels and runs to retrieve an oxygen mask.

Derek lifts Meredith off of the floor and envelops her in his arms, his chest against her back. He brushes the hair out of her face quickly.

Derek (in a desperate voice): Shhh…it's okay….breathe with me, Mer. You can do it.

She shakes her head no.

Derek: Yes you can. You do not get to quit on me, Meredith Grey. I am not going to let you quit on me. Now, breathe with me. You can do this. You are strong.

Derek's sister returns with the oxygen mask and he places it over Meredith's face. Derek now has tears streaming down his cheeks.

Derek: It's okay, Meredith. I am here. Deep breaths.

Meredith's breathing begins to regulate. She leans her head against his chest, exhausted from her struggle to breathe.

Kathleen kicks Derek's cell phone and picks it up. She puts it up to her ear and immediately moves it away.

Kathleen: Woah! That woman has some lungs on her!

Derek realizes that Cristina is still on the phone and can't help but chuckle. He nods. Kathleen puts the phone closer to her ear.

Kathleen (into the phone): Meredith is fine now. Derek is taking care of her. I will have him call you back shortly.

She hangs up the phone without waiting for a response. She closes the door to the on call room, leaving the pair alone. Meredith readjusts in Derek's lap so that she is now sitting sideways. He places his large hand on her back and begins to move it in a circular motion in an attempt to sooth her.

She looks up into his eyes and sees the anxiety that is present in them. She moves her hand to the oxygen mask and lifts it.

Meredith: I'm sorry…I..

Derek: Shhh…it's okay.

He moves his hand to put the mask back on her face.

Derek: Don't talk right now. Just breathe.

Meredith just nods and leans against his body, finding comfort in his warm embrace. She feels as if she belongs here, in his arms.


	11. Chapter 11

They remain in this position for another fifteen minutes. Meredith's breathing normalizes and she slowly sits up, removing the oxygen mask. She looks into his eyes, the remnants of tears glistening on both of their cheeks. He reaches up and runs the pad of his thumb under her eyes in an attempt to remove the tears. He then brushes her hair out of her face. Both inhale deeply at the same time.

Derek (in a calming voice): Mer?

She looks at him for a moment.

Meredith: I'm okay.

Derek: You're okay.

Silence.

Meredith slowly gets to her feet. Derek reaches out and grabs her hand.

Derek: Meredith?

She looks at him. She can see the concern in his eyes. She can't do this. Not now. She looks down at her hand that fits so perfectly in his. He deserves more than this, more than her and her dark and twisty life.

Derek: Tell me what is wrong.

He sees the fear and doubt in her eyes. She shakes her head and releases his hand.

Meredith: I…I…I have to get back to work.

Before he can reply, Meredith is out of the door, leaving his sitting on the cold floor of the on call room…alone. He doesn't understand. He thought that everything was fine. She seemed fine, more than fine really. They are getting married. They are going to be parents. His thoughts are interrupted by a knock on the door. He looks up and sees his sister's head in the opening.

Derek: Hey.

Kathleen enters the room and sits down on the floor next to her brother.

Kathleen: Hey.

Silence.

Kathleen: Everything will be okay. Just give her time.

Derek sighs.

Derek: Yeah. I just don't get it. Everything was fine earlier. It's just, after she left Betty's room something happened.

They sit there for a moment.

Derek: Oh my God. I can't believe I didn't see it before.

Kathleen looks at him. She sees a look of realization on his face.

Kathleen: What is it?

Derek: Betty's condition.

Derek looks at his sister, expecting her to comprehend what he is saying. Instead, he is met with a confused look.

Derek: The health of the babies. I bet that is what it is.

Finally, Kathleen understands. She looks at Derek and places her hand on his arm.

Kathleen: I think almost every woman has those fears during her pregnancy. I will talk to her.

Derek shakes his head.

Derek: I don't know if that is a good idea.

Kathleen: Just let me try, Derek. She is carrying my future niece or nephew. Plus, we have already made a connection.

Derek runs his hand through his hair and sighs loudly.

Derek: I love her. I love her so much. Why won't she just talk to me?

Kathleen: Yes, you love her. But, you also hurt her and you have the power to hurt her more than anyone else because she loves you too.

Derek just stares at his sister, his mouth slightly agape. He finally closes his mouth.

Derek: I…I..

Kathleen: Wow, you are stuttering. You never stutter.

Derek: Shut up. I just want to help her. I need to help her.

Kathleen: You can't be the one that is always there.

Derek: But…I want to be the one that is always there.

Kathleen: I know you do, Derek. It's like you have this Superman complex or something, Nietzsche would be proud.

Derek: Okay, first of all, do not bring Friedrich Nietzsche into this conversation. It makes you sound very pompous.

She smirks.

Derek: Shut up. I know that look. I may be arrogant, but I have good reason. Second, you make it sound like a bad thing that I want to be there for her.

Kathleen: I am not saying it is bad. It is just selfish. You want to be there for her to make yourself feel better. You aren't even taking into consideration what will make her feel better.

Derek stands up.

Derek: Well, I am hoping that I can make her feel better.

Kathleen: But you aren't going to always be able to be the one to do that and the fact that you are acting this way just proves that.

Derek: Whatever. I am going to go find her.

Kathleen stands up.

Kathleen: Derek, just give her time. She will come to you when she is ready.

Derek looks at his sister for a moment before leaving the room. She leans back against the wall and runs her hand through her hair. He better not screw this up, she really likes Meredith.


	12. Chapter 12

Meredith exits the on call room and heads into the bathroom. She washes off her face, trying to remove any signs of her breakdown. She knows that he is worried and that she should talk to him, but she is afraid that he will think her silly. She loves him, she does, but how can she put all of her trust in him again so quickly? Maybe they are rushing things. Maybe they should slow down a little bit. She just wants to be with him. She wants to be with him now.

She walks out of the bathroom and walks right into someone.

Meredith: Oh..I'm so sorry…

She looks up to meet his bright blue eyes. He smiles at her but she can see the worried look in his eyes.

Derek: You are quite alright.

Derek's strong hands are grasping her shoulders. Her body relaxes under his touch. She leans forward and rests her forehead against his chest. He moves his arms to envelop her in a comforting hug.

Meredith inhales deeply, breathing in his masculine scent.

Meredith: I am now.

Derek smiles and Meredith lifts her forehead from his chest. She looks into his eyes and smiles at him. He runs his hands through her hair and kisses her on her hair, breathing her in as he does so.

Meredith: (a smile in her voice): What are you doing?

Derek inhales deeply again before looking in her eyes.

Derek: I am breathing you in.

Meredith smiles at him.

Meredith: Well, you know, if you like, I could get you some of my conditioner.

Derek shakes his head no.

Derek: It wouldn't be the same.

Meredith: Why is that?

Derek: Because your condition wouldn't have the essence of you.

Meredith arches her eyebrow at him.

Meredith: What do you mean?

Derek: Well, the lavender is the most overwhelming and intoxicating scent….and I love it. But, the only reason I love it so much is because that is the way you smell. I don't want to walk around smelling bottles of conditioner…I want to walk around inhaling your scent.

Meredith: Okay.

Derek: Okay.

They stand there for a moment in silence.

Derek: About earlier?

Meredith: I really don't want to talk about that now.

Derek: Maybe later?

Meredith: Maybe.

Derek feels a bit frustrated but decides not to push the issue. Meredith notices the tension in his forehead.

She reaches out and brushes a stray curl off of his forehead. She then cups his face with both of her hands.

Meredith: Derek, I love you. I just…be patient with me. Please? I am trying.

Derek nods.

Derek: I love you too, Mer. I just want to be there for you…to help you.

Meredith looks deep into his eyes.

Meredith: I know you do, but you aren't my knight in shining…whatever. You can't help me with everything. Some things…some things I need to figure out on my own or with help from others. I know you want to, but it is going to take time. You have to earn it, Derek.

Derek: I know. I know. I am trying to understand.

Meredith: Plus, I can blame part of it on the estrogen.

Derek arches an eyebrow.

Derek: The estrogen?

Meredith: Yes. The estrogen.

Derek chuckles and decides to just go with it.

He leans forward and kisses her forehead. His pager goes off.

Derek: I have to go.

Meredith: I know.

Derek leans in and kisses her on the forehead. He grabs her chin between his forefinger and thumb.

Derek: And by the way, I am your knight in shining…whatever.

She giggles and he shoots his McDreamy smile at her. He begins to walk away. She shouts after him.

Meredith: You keep telling yourself that, Dr. Shepherd. Whatever helps you sleep at night.

He chuckles at her and she giggles before going and checking on her patient.


	13. Chapter 13

Meredith continues on with her day. She goes and has a discussion with the Chief about her transfer. As she is leaving his office she bumps into somebody.

Meredith: Oh..I'm sorry.

She looks up and meets a pair of bright blue eyes.

Derek: You just keep running into me today.

Meredith smiles at him.

Meredith: So it seems. I think you are stalking me.

Derek feigns shock.

Derek: I would never…

Meredith: Uh huh. Sure. You just happen to show up everywhere that I am.

Derek: Not everywhere. What were you doing in the Chief's office anyways?

Meredith: Oh…nothing.

Derek arches his eyebrow.

Derek: I don't believe you.

Meredith: You don't have to.

Derek: But don't you want me to?

Meredith: Maybe.

Derek: That hurts. Really.

Derek chuckles and Meredith hits him in the arm. They laugh for a few more seconds before Derek looks at her seriously.

Derek: Seriously though, are you going to tell me what's going on?

Meredith fidgets with her watch. She glances up at him quickly.

Meredith: I..

Just then both of their pages start to go off. She feels saved by the bell and he feels frustrated. She looks at him apologetically.

Meredith: Sorry, I gotta go.

Derek: Yeah, me too. I think it's Betty.

Meredith's face suddenly turns pale. He grabs her elbow and looks into her eyes.

Derek: Are you okay?

Meredith: What? Yeah, I'm fine. You go. I'll be there in a minute.

Derek looks into her eyes for a moment longer before releasing her elbow and running to answer his page. He knows that something is wrong. He just wishes that she would talk to him about it. He can't help her until she asks for the help. He sighs and runs his hand through his hair before he steps into Betty's room. Betty is panicking.

Derek: What's going on?

Kathleen: There is some fetal distress. If her bp doesn't come down soon, we may have to deliver the babies.

Derek nods at his sister. He looks at Betty.

Derek: Don't worry, Betty, we are taking good care of you and your girls.

Betty: Not worry? It's too early. They are too little.

Kathleen: I would prefer if we could wait two more weeks but your body may not allow us to.

Meredith enters the room. Her eyes are slightly red and Derek notices. She tries to pretend like nothing is wrong.

Kathleen: Dr. Grey, glad you could join us.

Meredith: Sorry.

Kathleen: I need for you to do a complete work up on Betty and I also need her bp checked at least once an hour.

Meredith nods.

Meredith: Yes, Doctor.

Derek raises an eyebrow at his sister. Betty looks around at the three of them and notices that something is going on.

Betty: So, would someone please tell me what is going on between you three? I need something to keep my mind off of the fact that I may lose my babies.

Kathleen glances at her brother and Meredith.

Kathleen: Nothing is going on and you are not going to lose your babies.

Betty: Something is definitely going on. Dr. Grey looks like she is about to break any moment and Dr. Shepherd looks like he is ready to rush to her side at a seconds notice.

Derek chuckles and Meredith's mouth falls agape.

Meredith: I'm fine.

Meredith's voice draws Derek's attention and as he looks at her he sees just how fragile she is. He thought that maybe she was a little bit better after her breakdown, but now he sees that she looks a little worse.

Betty: See the way he is looking at you? He knows you're not fine. It also looks like he is in love with you and perhaps he is the father of the child you are carrying.

Meredith: How did you..

Betty: Although you looks fragile, you still have that pregnancy glow.

Meredith: Well, I'm fine.

Betty: You can keep telling yourself that, but he knows you're not.

Meredith glances at Derek and sees the concern and love in his eyes. She looks at Kathleen whose mouth has fallen agape at the accuracy of Betty's assumptions.

Kathleen: How did you guess all of that?

Betty: I observe people. I'm good at it. Plus, it helps me keep my mind off of all of the things that could go wrong with my babies.

Meredith: But…I'm fine really.

Kathleen: Dr. Grey, run these samples to the lab and page me with the results.

Meredith nods and takes the samples from Kathleen. She exits the room, Derek's eyes following her.

Betty: Well, go after her.

Derek smiles and nods at Betty.

Derek: Excuse me.

Derek leaves the room and walks up to the lab where he spots Meredith. Meredith is leaning against the wall, waiting for the lab results. Derek smiles and walks towards her. He places his hands in the pockets of his lab coat.

Derek: You know, leaning is my thing.

Meredith looks at him and giggles.

Meredith: Afraid I'm stealing your thunder?

Derek: Nah. No one can handle my thunder, much less wield it.

Meredith arches her eyebrow.

Meredith: Oh, I think I handle your thunder pretty well.

Derek chuckles.

Derek: That you do, that you do.

He leans forward and kisses her on the forehead. She leans into his touch.

Derek: I love you, Mer.

Meredith (smiling): I love you too, Der.

Derek: Why won't you talk to me, tell me what's going on?

Meredith looks up and him and then back down at the floor. She fidgets with her watch. He takes her hands in his.

Meredith: I want to. I do. It's just…you will think it's stupid and crazy and..

Derek: Mer?

Meredith: Yeah?

Derek: I love you. If something is bothering you I want to know. I may think that it is stupid or crazy..

She starts to looks away but he gently grabs her face with his hand and forces her to look into his eyes.

Derek: I may think that it is stupid or crazy, but that doesn't make it unimportant. If it is something that bothers you, it is important to me. So please, just tell me.

Meredith looks into his eyes and sees the sincerity.

Meredith (quietly): I'm scared.

Derek: What are you scared of?

He reaches up and brushes a strand of hair out of her face.

Meredith: Everything. But most of all, I'm scared that I'm going to screw this up.

She places her hand on her stomach.

Meredith: I…we..are about to be responsible for another human being. What if something is wrong or what if I do something wrong? I'm so scared, Der. I don't want you to hate me for screwing this up, because I need you. I need you so much. I love you. I really do and that scares me.

Meredith now has tears running down her face. Derek tilts his head and smiles at her. He wipes away her fallen tears with the pads of his thumbs.

Derek: Look at me, Meredith.

Meredith looks into his eyes. He sees the fear in her eyes and she sees the warmth and love in his.

Derek: I am scared too, but I love you. We can do this…together. You are not alone in this. I will be right there with you. I promise I am not going anywhere. I love you Meredith Grey.

He places his hand on the side of her face and gently caresses her jawline with his thumb.

Derek: You…you have captured me body and soul. You are the love of my life and without you I am miserable. You are my fiancé and one day you will be my wife. You are my lover, my best friend, and my family. Nothing you do or say will make me love you less. I love all of your flaws. They are what make you perfect to me. Yes, you may frustrate me with your avoidance and stubbornness, but those things only make me love you more. Just let me love you Meredith. Please, will you just let me in and let me love you?

Meredith stands there looking into his eyes. She can't seem to find words. Finally, she reaches up and puts her hands around his neck, pulling him into a deep passionate kiss in an attempt to express how much she loves him. The kiss is deep and intense and short. They break apart and Derek rests his forehead on hers.

Derek: So, I take that as a yes?

Meredith giggles and Derek chuckles.

Meredith: Only if you let me love you too.

Derek smiles and pulls her into another deep kiss. He knows that things will be okay, eventually. He is happy in this moment and doesn't want to ever let it go.


	14. Chapter 14

It is now near the end of the day and Meredith still hasn't told Derek about her transfer and she still hasn't confirmed dinner reservations. It isn't that she doesn't want to spend time with him. She would rather spend time with him alone. She sighs as she pushes the button for the elevator, running her hand through her hair as she waits. The doors open and a familiar figure is leaning against the back wall. She smirks and stands near the front of the elevator facing the doors. They are alone in the elevator. She knows this is not good, not good in a good way of course.

She feels him moving closer and her body begins to tingle in anticipation. She misses him. She misses being held by him at night. She misses feeling the rise and fall of his chest against her back as she sleeps. She misses the way he smells. She misses his stubble in the morning along with his horrible morning breath and adorable morning mess of hair. God, she misses him. She smiles as she feels his torso slightly brushing against her back. She leans into his touch. He lowers his head so that his mouth is near his ear. She feels his hot breath on her ear and neck and tenses her shoulders at the slight touch of his mouth against his ear. She hears him inhale deeply as he is breathing her in. She leans further into his body and he instinctively wraps his arms around her. His mouth lowers to her ear and begins sucking on her ear lobe. She sighs. The dinging of the elevator door wakes them from their reverie. She begins to step out of the elevator.

Derek: Mer, about tonight…

Meredith looks at him quickly and steps out of the doors.

Meredith: I have to go. I will talk to you later.

The doors close and leave Derek alone in the elevator.

Derek: Later.

Meredith really doesn't have to go. Her shift ends in five minutes. She just really doesn't want to have dinner with both him and his sister. She is tired and she wants to talk to him, alone. She sighs and heads to the locker room to change. As soon as she is changed she walks outside. She sits on a bench for a moment, thinking. She gets up and walks to her car and gets into the driver's seat. She turns the key back in the ignition so that the stereo is on. She leans back in the seat and pulls out her cell phone and dials a familiar number.

Voice: Hello?

Meredith: Hey.

Voice : What the hell happened earlier? I was worried and you don't even have the decency to call and tell me you're okay. Seriously, Meredith?

Meredith: Sorry, Cristina. I didn't think about it.

Cristina: Well, that's nice. You call me and cause me to freak out but didn't think to call and tell me you are okay.

Meredith: Cristina?

Cristina: What?

Meredith: Thank you…for being there…for always being there.

Cristina: Yeah. Whatever. You're my person.

Meredith: Yeah. And you're my person.

Cristina: Damn straight.

Meredith sighs.

Cristina: What is going on now?

Meredith: I am sitting in my car in the hospital parking lot.

Cristina: Why are you sitting in your car in the hospital parking lot?

Meredith: This day has been a little overwhelming.

Cristina: Really? After the calling me in hysterics I had no idea.

Meredith: Ha ha. You think you are so funny.

Cristina: So, what is the problem now.

Meredith: It's just…he wants me to go to dinner with him and his sister…I like his sister…it's just..

Cristina: You want some time alone with him?

Meredith: Yeah. I mean, I saw him today for the first time in a month and we haven't really been alone. Oh, I have some things to tell you.

Cristina: Like?

Meredith: Well, for one I'm coming back to Seattle…but no one knows yet…not even Derek.

Cristina: Well, that was a given. I knew you would be back eventually. I knew you couldn't live without me.

Meredith: That's it. I missed my bitch.

Cristina laughs.

Meredith: Also, Derek and I are engaged now.

Cristina: Wow…that was quick.

Meredith sighs.

Meredith: Yeah, I know. I love him. I know he is it. I'm thinking it will be a long engagement. I definitely want to wait until after the baby. I'm am not getting married looking like a beached white whale.

They both laugh.

Cristina: So, he knows about the baby?

Meredith sighs.

Meredith: Yeah. I didn't even have to tell him. I am working with his sister and she told him about her intern, which coincidentally turned out to be his intern as well. She knew about me, she just didn't piece it all together.

Cristina: So, is she nice?

Meredith: Yeah. I just…

Cristina: Don't do great with families?

Meredith: Yeah. Shit!

Cristina: What?

Meredith: I agreed to go meet his entire family in the next two weeks.

Cristina: Why in the hell would you do that?

Meredith: I am going to blame it on the estrogen. Yup. It's the estrogen.

Cristina: I will go with that one. But only because I know you are not stupid enough to agree to something like that unless hormones are involved.

Meredith: That's true.

Meredith leans forward and places her forehead on the steering wheel. She doesn't notice the pair of deep blue eyes that have found her and have been watching her for the past couple of minutes and that have begun to make their way towards her.

She sighs.

Meredith: I don't know what I'm going to do.

Cristina: About?

Meredith: Anything and everything.

Just then someone lightly taps on the window, causing Meredith to jump.

Meredith: Shit!

She looks out the window and her eyes meet his. He smiles at her reaction.

Cristina: What?

Meredith: Derek just scared the shit out of me. I will call you tomorrow.

Cristina: You better you pregnant whore

Meredith: I will you sadistic bitch.

They both laugh before hanging up. Meredith looks out the window and he is still there. She rolls down the window.

Meredith: You scared the shit out of me.

Derek chuckles.

Derek: Sorry….What are you doing?

Meredith: Well…I was talking to Cristina…now..I'm talking to you.

Derek smirks at her.

Derek: Ha ha smartass. I meant sitting in your car in the hospital parking lot.

Meredith: I was just…relaxing.

Derek looks closely at her and notices for the first just how tired she looks.

Derek: Tired?

Meredith (sighing): Yeah.

He stands there for a minute.

Meredith: About tonight…

Derek: I understand if you don't want to go…you look exhausted..

Meredith: I am…it's just…I like your sister and I love you…

She pauses for a moment and he looks at her intently. He reaches in her car and brushes a strand of hair out of her face.

Derek: It's okay. I promise.

She looks at him and sees that he is being sincere.

Meredith: I want to spend time with you…I do…I just…look, why don't I give you my address and you come over after you have dinner with your sister?

Derek: Are you trying to get into my pants? Because if you are…you don't have to try too hard…I'm easy…some might call me a whore.

She gasps and hits him lightly on the arm and he chuckles.

Derek: But only when it comes to you, baby.

Meredith: That's right. You are my whore. You better remember that.

Derek smiles broadly.

Derek: Don't worry. I will.

Meredith: But seriously, I just…I want to spend time with you…without your sister..

Derek smiles at her. He leans in and kisses her on the forehead.

Derek: Wait here for a moment.

Derek begins to walk away.

Meredith (yelling after him): Where are you going?

Derek (yelling back at her): Just wait right there.

Derek runs back into the hospital and returns a few minutes later. He gets into the passenger side of her car. She looks at him for a moment, wandering what the hell he is doing there.

Derek: I went to talk to Kathleen. We rescheduled for tomorrow night. She needs to monitor Betty anyways and well, you are more important.

Derek flashes her his McDreamy smiles. She smiles back at him.

Meredith: Der, you didn't have to do that…

Derek interrupts her.

Derek: But I wanted to. Now, let's go. We can call and order in or something.

Meredith smiles at him and begins the drive to her apartment, both nerves and excitement flooding through her veins. Tonight will be the first night she has been alone with him since Prom and it will be their first night together as an engaged couple. She has no idea what to expect. This is new territory to her and she is scared as hell, but happy that she is taking the journey with her Derek…her McDreamy.


	15. Chapter 15

Meredith and Derek arrive at her apartment. She opens the door and he follows her in.

Derek: So, this is where you have been living for the past month?

Meredith: Yeah. The first week I was here I lived in a hotel.

Meredith throws her keys down on the table. Her apartment is modest and lightly decorated.

Meredith: I haven't really had time to decorate.

Derek: It's nice.

Meredith: Thanks. So, I'm starving. What do you want to eat?

Derek: Whatever you want.

Meredith: Well, I'm thinking pizza, but I know you are kind of a health nut…

Derek smiles at her.

Derek: Pizza is fine.

Meredith: Okay. I'm going to call and order. Just help yourself to whatever you want to drink.

Meredith calls and orders the pizza and Derek grabs them both a bottle of water. Meredith looks up at him and smiles.

Meredith: Thanks.

He flashes his McDreamy smile.

Derek: You're very welcome.

She sits down next to him on the couch.

Derek: So, you wanted to spend time with me…alone…what exactly did you have in mind?

He arches his eyebrow at her.

Meredith: Derek Shepherd, you have dirty in your eyes!

She feigns shock and he chuckles. He shrugs his shoulders. Meredith looks down at the ground.

Meredith: I just thought we could hang out and talk…just…be us.

Derek: Be us?

Meredith: Yeah, without having to worry about other people watching us or judging us. Just be us.

Derek: Ah, I see.

Meredith moves closer to Derek on the couch and he wraps his arm around her. She leans into the contact and places her head on his shoulder. Both inhale deeply, taking in the scent of the other.

Meredith: I love the way you smell.

Derek: And how is that?

Meredith: Well…you have man scent..

Derek: Man scent?

Meredith: Yeah. Your cologne mixed with your soap. And sometimes there is also a hint of peppermint or spearmint, depending on what kind of gum you have been chewing.

He looks down at her and smiles. He never realized how much attention she paid to how he smelled.

Meredith: It's very comforting.

Derek: What is?

Meredith: The scent of Derek.

Derek chuckles.

Derek: Well, I try.

Meredith: That's good, because I would be worried if you didn't. Plus, I would have a hard time cuddling with you if you smelled like crap.

Derek: So, are you saying you are only with me because of the way I smell?

Meredith: Basically.

Derek: Ouch, that hurts a little.

Meredith giggles.

Meredith: Oh shut it, I know you smell my hair every chance you get.

Derek: That I do. It is intoxicating. I like breathing you in. You are like my oxygen.

Meredith looks up at him and their eyes met. His lips move closer to hers. She closes her eyes and her lips tingle in anticipation. Just as his lips are about to make contact with hers, there is a knock at the door. Meredith jumps up.

Meredith: Must be the pizza.

She starts to walk towards the door when Derek stops her.

Derek: Let me.

He goes to the door and pays for the pizza. He places the pizza on the coffee table and sits back down on the couch. He watches Meredith as she grabs a piece of pizza and eagerly takes a large bite. She notices him watching her.

Meredith: What? I'm hungry.

Derek smiles at her.

Derek: I think you are cute when you eat.

She arches her eyebrow.

Meredith: You really want to get laid tonight, don't you?

Derek acts taken aback.

Derek: I always think you look cute. You are my fiancé. God, it sounds good to say that. Anyways, if you decide to have sex because I think you are cute, I'm not going to complain.

She hits him in the arm and they both laugh.

Derek: I've missed that laugh.

Meredith: Me too.

She smiles at him and continues to eat her pizza. They finish eating and they just sit there for a while, enjoying each other's company. Finally, Derek breaks the silence.

Derek: So, are we going to talk about today?

Meredith sighs. She leans against the back of the couch, her body turned so that she is facing towards him.

Meredith: Today. Today was a little overwhelming. I mean, you show up, which I am very grateful for, we get engaged and things are great…until it hit me.

Derek: What?

Derek is a little worried about what she is going to say. He doesn't want her to run again and he doesn't want her to back out on the engagement.

Meredith: I am going to be a mother. We…we are going to be parents.

Derek: Yes, yes we are.

Derek has a huge smile on his face.

Meredith: And while I'm excited about that, I'm terrified. Seeing Betty….talking to Betty…it made me realize that something could go wrong. Something could go wrong with the pregnancy or something could be wrong with the baby…I…I don't think I could handle that, Derek…because although I only found out about the baby yesterday…I already love him or her, Derek…I…I…

Before Meredith can say another word, Derek moves towards her and his lips come crashing down on hers. Meredith moans into his mouth at the feel of his lips against hers. He pushes his tongue into her mouth and their tongues meet eagerly. The kiss is quick, but full of passion and love. Derek pulls away, leaving them both breathless.

Derek: Thank you.

Meredith: For what?

Derek: For talking to me. I want you to always be able to talk to me.

Meredith: I want to always be able to talk to you.

Meredith hesitates for a moment.

Derek: What is it?

Meredith: You don't think it's stupid?

Derek: Your fears?

Meredith nods her head. He leans forward and cups her face in his hands.

Derek: No. I don't. I think the fears that you have are natural and understandable. I'm scared too, but we just have to think about the positive along with the negative. Because the positive, the positive outweighs the negative. If something negative arises, and I hope that it doesn't, but if it does, we will deal with it together.

Meredith now has tears running down her face. He leans forward and begins to kiss away her tears.

Meredith: I love you Derek Michael Shepherd.

He smiles at the use of his full name.

Derek: I love you too Meredith..what is your middle name?

Meredith blushes.

Meredith: I'll never tell.

Derek grabs her ass and pulls her closer to him.

Derek: Come on.

Meredith: No.

Derek starts to tickle her.

Meredith: Stop it, Derek!

Derek: Not until you tell me your middle name.

Meredith: Derek!

He continues to tickle her. Meredith tries to squirm free but he has a strong grip on her.

Meredith: Please stop! Oh God! Derek! Please!

Derek: What is your middle name?

Meredith: Okay okay!

Derek stops tickling her. He is now lying on top of her on the couch, so she has no chance of escape. She looks at him lips and is tempted. She begins to move towards them but he stops her.

Derek: You are not getting out of this, not even with a kiss.

Meredith arches her brow. Damn.

Meredith: What about…sex?

Derek arches his eyebrow.

Derek: As tempting as that sounds, I don't think so. I want to know your middle name.

Meredith sighs.

Meredith: Seriously?

Derek: Seriously.

Meredith: Fine. It's Roxanne.

Derek: Seriously?

Meredith: Seriously.

Meredith glares at him.

Derek: I think that is a sexy middle name.

Meredith: You better not tell anyone.

Derek smiles at her.

Derek: I won't, Roxy.

Meredith: I hate you.

Derek: I love you too, baby.

He leans down and kisses her quickly on the lips.

Derek: So, about that sex…

**Okay...I would have had this up sooner...but I live in Oklahoma and lost power because of the massive ice storm...I will be posting updates more frequently on this over the next month so I can get it caught up...it is over 200 pages on word...so yeah...hope you like it...this really is a fluff fic with a little bit of drama... **

**-Marci**


	16. Chapter 16

_Derek: So, about that sex…_

Meredith hits him on the chest.

Derek: Ouch! What was that for?

Meredith: For tickling my middle name out of me! You…you ASS!

Meredith pouts. Derek can't help but chuckle.

Derek: Oh my God, you are so hot when you pout.

She glares at him.

Meredith (hissing): ASS!

Derek: My little Roxy.

Meredith gasps.

Meredith: Oh, no you didn't.

Derek: Why yes, yes I believe I did.

She narrows her eyes at him.

Meredith: No sex!

Derek gasps.

Derek: Wh…what?

Meredith: You heard me. No sex. I don't put out for assholes.

Derek pins Meredith's arms above her head and begins kissing her neck. He whispers in her ear, sending chills down her spin.

Derek: We'll see about that…(in a husky voice) My Roxy.

Derek finds the spot that drives her crazy and latches on, causing her to moan. He moves from this spot to her collarbone. He trails kisses along this bone before beginning to nibble on it while simultaneously breathing his hot breath on her soft skin.

Meredith (breathlessly): Der…

Derek (into her neck): Mmmhmm?

This reply vibrates against Meredith's skin, causing her skin to erupt in goosebumps. She gulps as she feels herself becoming wet. She can feel his erection pressing into her thigh, increasing her desire even more. She places her hand on his chest and tries to push him away. He doesn't budge.

Meredith: Der…seriously…

He lifts up and stares into her eyes. She sees that his eyes are a darker shade of blue and he sees the desire in her eyes as well.

Derek: What is it Mere?

Meredith: We…we still need to talk…

He smiles at her. She wants to talk now. Now, when there is nothing more he would like to do than take her right then and there. But talking is good. He runs his hand through her hair and kisses her on the forehead before raising himself up off of her. She sits up on the couch. He frustratingly runs his hand through his hair. She laughs at him. She reaches over and plays with a stray curl.

Meredith: You are cute when you are frustrated….I might even venture to say sexy…

Derek: I am sexy all the time.

Meredith giggles.

Meredith: You have one large…

Meredith pauses and Derek smirks.

Meredith: ego.

Derek shrugs.

Derek: The ego matches the ability.

Meredith: I guess I must have forgotten. It has been so long.

Derek's eyes grow even darker.

Derek (in a husky voice): I guess I will just have to show you…after we talk.

Meredith straddles Derek's lap and runs her hand through his hair. Her hands rest on the back of his neck and she begins to play with his curls.

Meredith: Yes. You will. And in the morning. And maybe even in an on call room at the hospital.

She feels his erection growing even harder and she rocks slightly on his lap. He groans under the friction.

Derek: Mer…you better talk fast or I am going to take you right here.

Meredith begins to kiss his neck.

Meredith: I..(kiss)..just…(kiss)…wanted…(kiss)..to tell you…(kiss)….something…

Derek is now running his hands up and down Meredith's back. His pants now feel several sizes too small as his erection is fighting for release from his khakis.

Meredith trails kisses along his jawline and chin and plants on last kiss on his lips before pulling back and looking him deep in the eyes.

Derek: And what would that be?

Meredith: Well, two things actually…first of all, you look hot…I love it when you wear the sweater with the collared shirt underneath…that look…

She kisses him passionately. Her lips crash down on his and her tongue demands entrance in his mouth. Their tongues mesh together in an erotic dance before she pulls back breathless.

Meredith: That look really turns me on.

Derek runs his hands through her hair and leans forward to kiss her, but she puts her finger on his mouth.

Meredith: Hold on. This next thing, well, it's kind of important. Actually, it's very important.

Derek starts to get a concerned look on his face.

Meredith: We haven't really talked about what we were going to do after your consult in Boston is over.

Derek: I told you. If you don't want to transfer I will move here and try to get a job. I'm not leaving you again.

Meredith smiles at him.

Derek: I mean, I would prefer it if you moved back home, to Seattle, but I'm not going to ask you to do that.

Meredith: You kind of just did.

Derek: Shit. I didn't mean it like that.

Derek nervously runs his hand through his hair. His other hand is resting on her hip. She likes to watch him squirm. Her cocky neurosurgeon, her ass, is squirming and she can't help but giggle.

Meredith: Derek, it's okay. I am glad you told me what you want. I mean, it's very sweet that you want to do what I want…but this isn't just about me. This is about us and our child. I want you to tell me your opinion and what you want, even if it is different from what I want. I love you and I respect your opinion.

Derek's eyes begin to tear up at her sincere words. He cups her face in his hands.

Derek: God, I love you.

Meredith smiles at him.

Meredith: I love you too.

She kisses him quickly.

Meredith: Now, as it happens I want to return to Seattle. I even went and talked to the Chief…

Derek's eyes dance with excitement as he kisses her lips quickly.

Derek: Did he approve the transfer?

He can't read her expression and he begins to get worried.

Meredith: Derek, when are you going back to Seattle?

Derek looks at her awkwardly.

Derek: Two weeks. Why?

Meredith leans in and kisses him quickly on the lips. Her face remains only inches from his.

Meredith: Because, I'm going back with you.

A huge smile spreads across his face and he stands up, placing his hands under her ass to support her. She giggles loudly.

Meredith: Where are you going?

Derek: Bedroom. I need to make love to you, now.

Meredith continues to giggle as Derek carries her down the hall and into the bedroom, heading towards a night full of passionate sex and breathless declarations of their love to each other.


	17. Chapter 17

Meredith wakes up the next morning to the sound of her alarm going off. She buries her head under her pillow.

Meredith (groggily): Make it stop!!

She feels his hands running slowly over her spine as he leans over her body and switches the alarm off. She begins to giggle as he begins to kiss her shoulder, his stubble tickling her.

Derek (in a husky voice): Mer, baby, you need to get up.

Meredith shoves her head under her pillow.

Meredith (in a muffled and whiny voice): I don't wanna.

Derek chuckles at Meredith's childish behavior. Derek runs his hand down Meredith's spine and begins to caress the skin on her lower back, something he knows drives her crazy. He hears her moan. She reluctantly removes her head from underneath the pillow. She continues to lie on her stomach. He brushes her hair away from her face and leans down to kiss her on the cheek. She turns her face so that instead of kissing her on the cheek, Derek lips meet hers. The kiss is short, but sweet. It is like something they would do every morning for the rest of their lives.

Meredith rolls over onto her back. The sun streaming through the windows falls across her body, illuminating it in the its luminous rays. Derek's breath is taken away by her beauty.

Derek (husky): You...you are so beautiful.

Meredith giggles as she feels his erection begin to grow against her side. She reaches up and runs her finger through his hair, her fingernails grazing his skull. Derek leans down and crashes his lips against hers. His tongue demands entrance into her mouth, which she eagerly grants. The tip of his tongue grazes the roof of her mouth, sending electricity down her spine. The ringing of a cellphone forces them to seperate before either want to.

Derek(breathless): Damn it!

Meredith (breathless): Seriously! It's your damn phone!

Derek chuckles at her frustration as he reaches across her body to retrieve his cellphone from the table. He runs his hand through his hair as he flips his phone open.

Derek: Dr. Derek Shepherd.

As Derek is talking on the phone, Meredith decides to have a little fun with him. She moves her body to straddle his lap. His eyes widen in shock and he gasps into the phone.

Derek: Yeah..no...everything is fine...what was that?

Derek continues his conversation on the phone. Meredith begins trailing kisses down the column of his neck while pressing her breasts against his chest. She can feel his excitement growing underneath her and can't help but giggle.

Derek is finding it more difficult to concentrate on his conversationn as he begins to focus on her movements. He inhales sharply as she begins to slide herself onto his throbbing cock. She moans in pleasure as he fills her completely. She looks at him and sees the shock in his eyes as he is trying to finish his conversation with the very talkative person on the other end of the line.She grin mischeviously as she begins to rock back and forth very slowly. Derek can't take it anymore.

Derek(on the phone): I have to call you back.

He doesn't wait for a reply before he slams his phone shut and throws it roughly onto the end table. He immediately flips her onto her back, eliciting a gasp from her.  
He supports himself on his elbows as he looks down into her eyes.

Derek(husky voice): You...you...

Meredith (breathlessly): I...am amazing.

Derek begins to thrust into her. She arches her body into his and her hips rise up to meet each of his thrusts.

Derek (husky): Yes...you are.

Meredith digs her nails into his back and bites down hard on his shoulder to suppress a moan. The pain shoots through his body and he growls as he begins to thrust harder and faster.

Meredith (breathless): Oh God! Derek! Ohhh!! MmmmMmMmMmMM!

Meredith's moans encourge Derek as he continues to pick up the tempo. He feels himself nearing the peak and he feels her beginning to tighten around him, indicating that she is near the edge as well.

Derek(panting): Oh God...Mer...I'm...I'm almost there...

Meredith(panting): Me too, baby. me too! Oh God!

Derek feels her body begin to tremble as his own legs begin to tremble. As her warm walls tighten around his hard erection he realeases into her with a growl. He continues to thrust into her as they both ride the calming waves of their orgasms. After their orgasms are done, Meredith holds Derek in place, enjoying the feeling of him being inside of her. Derek runs his hand through her hair and leans down and plants a passionate kiss on her lips. Their bodies are glistening from the thin layer of sweat that now covers their bodies.

He leans up and gazes down on her beautiful face. She has a post-coital smirk spread across her flushed face.

Derek: You are so beautiful.

Meredith smiles at him.

Meredith: You...are fucking hot.

Derek chuckles at this statement.

Derek: I can't believe you did that.

Meredith looks at him innocently.

Meredith: Did what?

Derek: You know what. I find it incredibly sexy.

Meredith arches her eyebrow as she grins at him.

Derek finally pulls out of her as he rolls onto his back, pulling Meredith with him so that now she is lying on top of him.  
He runs his hands through her hair. She kisses him on the nose.

Meredith: So, who was on the phone?

Derek coughs and a slight blush begins to make its way into his cheeks. Meredith notices his reaction.

Meredith: Der, who was it?

Derek: It...was...uh...it was my mother.

Meredith gasps and her mouth falls agape.

Meredith: Oh my God. I jumped your bones while you were on the phone with your mother. I made you hang up on your mother. Oh my God. I..ummm...I need to shower. We have to be at work in less than an hour.

Without waiting for a reply Meredith jumps up and runs to the bathroom. Derek chuckles at her response. He gets up to follow her but the bathroom door is locked.

Derek: Damn. Meredith?

Meredith: What?

Derek: Open the door.

Meredith: No. I need to shower.

Derek: Well, I need to brush my teeth.

Meredith: You can brush your teeth after I shower.

Derek: Come on, Mer.

Meredith: No. Your mother. I don't even want to think about it. I'm humiliated. Please, just...get ready for work.

Derek: But, I need a shower too.

The door to the bathroom jerks open and reveals Meredith, tears streaming down her face. He cups her cheek in his hand and looks into her eyes.

Derek: Don't cry baby. It's okay.

Meredith: It's not okay. I...it's the estrogen. The freaking estrogen. I don't want to talk about it. You can shower with me, but no sex.

Meredith turns around and gets in the shower. Derek follows her into the shower and he begins to kiss her shoulder. Her body immediately relaxes under his touch. She leans back into his body as he begins to slowly wash her body. His hands make slow and deliberate movements as he slowly massages the soap into her skin. She moans in pleasure as Derek makes his way over her chest and down her stomach. She feels his erection poking her in the back.

Meredith: Seriously, Derek, no sex.

Derek: I know, baby. Just relax. Let me take care of you.

Meredith just nods as Derek continues to clean off her body. Derek leans forward and whispers into her ear, the feeling of his breath on her sending chills down her spine.

Derek: I love you, Meredith Roxanne Grey.

Meredith: I love you too, Derek Michael Shepherd.

They finish their shower together and head off to work, Derek deciding to wait until later to call his mother back.


	18. Chapter 18

Meredith and Derek arrive at work and he walks around to her side of the car to help her out. Meredith giggles at his attempt at chivalry.  
Derek arches his eyebrow.  
Derek: What?  
Meredith: You are trying to be my knight in shining...whatever.  
Derek grins broadly as he wraps his arm around Meredith's waist, pulling her petite body closer to his own.  
Derek: I am your knight in shining whatever.  
He leans down and kisses her on her hair, inhaling her scent as he does so.  
Derek: I love the way you smell.  
Meredith smiles up at him. She licks him on the cheek.  
Meredith: I love the way you taste.  
Derek is shocked. He wipes the area where she licked.  
Derek: What the hell.  
They both burst out laughing.  
He leans in and whispers in her ear.  
Derek (in a husky voice): But I think I like the way you taste more.  
His husky voice and the feel of his hot breath sends electricity down Meredith's spine and to her core. She begins to walk faster as he struggles to keep up, his arm still placed firmly around her waist.  
Derek: What is the hurry? We still have about ten minutes before we have to be here...  
Meredith: Ten minutes is long enough. Hurry your slow ass up.  
Derek arches his eyebrow in confusion.  
Derek: Long enough for what?  
Meredith looks at him and arches her eyebrow suggestively. Suddenly, a look of comprehension passes over his countenance. He raises his brows before beginning to rush her along even faster. Meredith giggles at Derek's behavior.  
Meredith: You're hot when you're impatient. Or maybe I am just saying this because I am so horny right now.  
Meredith says this kind of loud and Derek looks around to make sure no one notices. He blushes slightly as he sees a nurse rush by, looking at the two with a huge smile on her face.  
Derek: Meredith, baby, you shouldn't say that so loud.  
Meredith looks up at him and notices the blush in his cheeks.  
Meredith: Awww...are you embarassed, Der? I like sex. I'm not going to feel ashamed or bad about that. You know this already. Plus, all the extra hormones in my body make it even worse.  
Derek chuckles. God, he loves that woman.  
Derek: I know that, but you don't have to tell everyone else.  
She shrugs as they begin to wait for the elevator.  
Meredith: You should be bragging about how much hot sex you get to have with me.  
A couple of men turn around and smile at her. Derek pulls her even closer to his body.  
Meredith looks at her watch.  
Meredith: I don't know if we will have time.  
Derek flashes her his McDreamy smile.  
Derek: Oh, there's time. There is always time. We could take the stairs.  
Meredith laughs.  
Meredith: Yeah, right. I'm not taking the stairs today. I am on call tonight and I need my rest.  
Derek: Wait, we are supposed to have dinner with my sister tonight.  
Meredith: No, you are supposed to have dinner with your sister tonight. I can't. I am on call.  
Derek: But..  
Just then the elevator doors open and the crowd steps on. Derek stands directly behind Meredith and he inhales deeply, the scent of lavender conquering his senses.  
Meredith smiles. She knows what he is doing.  
Meredith: Are you smelling my hair?  
Derek: No. I am breathing you in.  
The elevator stops and half of the occupants of the elevator step off. Meredith moves forward to seperate her from Derek a little.  
Derek: Where are you going?  
Meredith then moves the the opposite side of the elevator, watching him the entire time. As soon as Meredith moves a nurse gets onto the elevator. She stands next to Derek. She smiles at him, but he barely notices. He is watching Meredith. The nurse sticks out her hand.  
Allison: Hello, I'm Allison.  
Derek looks at her hand and shakes it.  
Derek: I'm Dr. Derek Shepherd.  
Allison twirls her hair in her fingers. Meredith sits back and watches, a little jealous and a little amused. The nurse doesn't see her.  
Allison: So, Derek, are you new here?  
Derek: No. I am just visiting.  
Allison: Well, if you like I could show you some sites...say later on tonight?  
She shoots him a suggestive look and Derek raises an eyebrow in surpise. Meredith hears everything and decides to have some fun. Now it is only her, Derek, and the nurse in the elevator. She moves in front of Derek and turns to face him. He opens his mouth to speak, but before he can say anything Meredith pushes him back against the wall and begins to kiss him passionately. She runs her hands through his hair and moans into his mouth as he shifts their positions. The nurses mouth falls agape. Finally, Meredith pulls away. Both she and Derek have smirks on their faces. Derek grabs her hand.  
Derek: Allison, I would like for you to meet my fiance and the future mother of my children, Dr. Meredith Grey. Meredith, Allison.  
Meredith smiles at her. The elevator doors ding and as they are stepping off of the elevator Meredith turns around.  
Meredith (smiling): It was a nice try though.  
Her and Derek laugh as they rush to find the nearest on call room, neither caring at the moment if they are late.

**I just got my laptop back today...but I have to warn you all...this semester is going to be crazy...and as soon as this fic is caught up...updates will not be as often as i would like them to be...I'm taking the MCAT this summer as well as taking several science courses and volunteering at the hospital...so yeah...**

**And sorry about the formatting..I just wanted to get this posted..**

**-Marci**


	19. Chapter 19

Meredith adjusts her scrub top as Derek ties the drawstring on his pants.  
Meredith (breathless): That was...  
Derek (breathless): Incredible.  
Meredith: Mindblowing.  
Derek: Amazing.  
Meredith: Definitely worth being late for.  
Derek: Definitely.  
Derek adjusts the collar on her lab coat and leans forward and kisses her on the forehead.  
Derek: You better hurry. Don't you have rounds?  
Meredith sighs and leans her forehead against his chest.  
Meredith: Yeah, but I want to stay here, just like this.  
Derek kisses her on her hair and inhales her lavender scent.  
Derek: I know. I do too, but we both have to work.  
Meredith removes her head from his chest and moves towards the door.  
Meredith: See you later?  
Derek: Definitely.  
Meredith opens the door and starts to walk out but turns quickly around and rushes back up to Derek and gives him a quick, passionate kiss. She backs up and smirks before leaving him standing there, dumbfounded. God, I love that woman.  
Derek sits back down on the bed and pulls out his cellphone and returns the call that he was unable to finish earlier.  
Voice: Hello?  
Derek: Hello, Mom.  
Mrs. Shepherd: Is everything okay? You hung up quite abruptly this morning.  
Derek: Yeah. Sorry about that. Meredith had morning sickness.  
Derek can't believe he is lying to his mother, but what is he suppose to say? My fiance jumped my bones while I was trying to talk to you? Yeah, right. No way in hell.  
Mrs. Shepherd: Is she okay?  
Derek: Yeah, she's fine.  
Mrs. Shepherd: Good. Do you know when you are going to be able to come visit?  
Derek: Not yet. I will talk to her about it soon.  
Mrs. Shepherd: How are things going?  
Derek smiles thinking about the two times they were together this morning.  
Derek (with a smile is in his voice): Good. Great actually. I asked her to marry me.  
Mrs. Shepherd gasps.  
Mrs. Shepherd: What did she say?  
Derek: We are now engaged.  
Mrs. Shepherd: Congratulations!  
Derek: Thank you, Mom. I love her. I mean, I really love her. She...well...she is the love of my life.  
Mrs. Shepherd: I am so happy for you, Derek. I can tell you love her. Your voice is full of adoration and love every time you talk to her. I am glad you have finally found happiness.  
Derek: Me too. Look, I'm sorry, but I have to go. I have to go find Kathy and check on our patient.  
Mrs. Shepherd: Okay. Just let me know when you are going to be coming to visit so I can let your sisters know. They can't wait to meet her.  
Derek: Okay, I will. Love you.  
Mrs. Shepherd: I love you too.  
Derek: Bye.  
Mrs. Shepherd: Bye.  
Derek hangs up the phone and walks out of the on call, only to run into someone.  
Derek: Sorry.  
He looks up only to meet the nurse from the elevator.  
Allison: Sorry. Derek, right?  
Allison flutters her eyelashes and sucks on her pen very suggestively. Dr. Shepherd straighten up and sticks his hands in the pockets of his lab coat. He looks down his nose at her.  
Derek: It's Dr. Shepherd to you.  
Allison blushes slightly but doesn't give up.  
Allison: So, do you have plans tonight?  
Derek's mouth falls slightly agape. He can't believe the nerve of this woman. She saw Meredith kissing him in the elevator.  
Derek (curtly): Yes.  
Allison's face falls a bit.  
Allison: Oh. So, I guess you thing is kissing interns in an elevator.  
Derek is slightly taken aback. He can't believe this slutty nurse is talking to him this way.  
Derek: No. My "thing" as you so put it, is kissing my fiance in an elevator, or better yet, kissing her anywhere and everywhere.  
Allison's mouth falls agape.  
Allison: But...you have only known her for a day.  
Derek: No. I have known her for forever. She...she is the love of my life and my soul mate. So, I would suggest you back off, because there is no way in hell that you are coming in between us. Now, don't you have something better to do than to delve into the personal lives of your superiors? Or do I need to make sure that every bed pan that needs to be changed is changed by you?  
Allison opens her mouth slightly before quickly walking away. Derek turns to walk away and is met by two familiar faces, one smiling and one smirking.  
Kathleen: So, do I have you to blame for my intern being late this morning?  
Derek acts taken aback.  
Derek: I...would...never!  
Kathleen: Cut the crap, Derek. I'm not stupid.  
Meredith giggles and blushes as Derek shrugs.  
Derek looks at Meredith.  
Derek: My mom wants to know when we are coming to visit so she can let everyone know.  
Meredith's eyes grow wide in fear. Derek chuckles and moves towards her. He places his hands on her shoulders and leans down to kiss her on her cheek. He places his hand under her chin and forces her to look into his eyes.  
Derek: I love you. You...you are amazing and beautiful and intelligent and so many things. I love you, Meredith Grey and my family will love you.  
He places his hand on her stomach.  
Derek: You are having our baby and we are going to spend the rest of our lives together. I love you and so will they.  
Derek sees the fear lessen in her eyes. She nods her head as she blinks back tears. Derek looks over at his sister and sees that she also has tears in her eyes. She has never seen her brother like this, not with Addison, not with anyone. She places her hand on Meredith's back.  
Kathleen: They will love you Meredith. Two members of the Shepherd clan down, only four more to go.  
Derek looks at her sister and smiles at her. Meredith looks at her.  
Meredith: Really?  
Kathleen smiles and nods her head.  
Kathleen: I have never seen him like this. He is the happiest he has ever been and it is because of you. He really loves you and I can tell that you really love him. You are an amazing person and everyone in our family will be able to see that.  
Derek returns his gaze back to Meredith. His smile reaches his eyes.  
Derek: See?  
Meredith smiles back at him.  
Meredith: Thank you.  
Derek: No. Thank you.  
Meredith: For what?  
Derek: For letting me love you.  
Meredith rests her forehead on his chest as he rubs her back. All of the sudden she feels the nausea building.  
Meredith: Oh God.  
She runs to the nearest trash can and bends over it, emptying the contents of her stomach. Derek is right behind her, holding back her hair and rubbing her back. He looks to his sister.  
Derek: Can you get me a damn cloth?  
Kathleen: Sure.  
Meredith sits on the floor and leans back into Derek's chest. He runs his finger through her hair before wrapping his arms around her. His sister returns with the damn cloth and he wipes the sweat off of her brow. He kisses her hair.  
Meredith: Morning sickness sucks.  
Derek: I'm sorry, baby.  
She just leans further into his chest and sighs.  
Meredith: I need to go brush my teeth.  
Derek: Okay.  
He stands up and helps her off of the floor.  
Kathleen: We will see you in Betty's room.  
Meredith: Okay.  
Derek leans in and kisses her on her forehead.  
Derek: Love you.  
Meredith: Love you too.  
Meredith heads to the locker room to brush her teeth while Derek and Kathleen head to Betty's room to check on their patient.  
Kathleen: She really loves you.  
Derek: I really love her.  
Kathleen: I know. I can tell.  
Derek: She's just...she...I can't even begin to articulate it. I just...my feelings for her are so overwhelming and all consuming...this past month...I have felt so lost without her.  
Kathleen smiles at her baby brother.  
Kathleen: I am very happy for you, Derek. So, how did you propose?  
Derek: Well, I told her I wanted to wait until she was ready...I didn't want to rush her and she told me she was ready...so I asked her. I still have to go buy the ring. I am thinking about getting it in New York and proposing again...doing it right.  
Kathleen: I'm sure she thinks you did it perfectly.  
Derek: Yeah. But, I want to show her how much I want to marry her...how excited I am to call her my wife.  
As they reach Betty's room, the scene switches to Meredith leaving the locker room. She bumps into someone.  
Voice: Sorry.  
Meredith looks up to meet the eyes of the nurse from the elevator.  
Meredith: It's fine.  
Allison narrows her eyes at Meredith.  
Allison: You are the intern that kissed Derek in the elevator.  
Meredith: I am the woman who kissed my fiance in the elevator.  
Allison: Whatever. Just so you know, I always get what I want...and right now...I want him.  
Meredith narrows her eyes at Allison.  
Meredith: That's too bad, because I already have him.  
Allison: Not for long.  
Meredith: No. For forever.  
Allison: Right. I will get him.  
Meredith: Good luck with that.  
Meredith begins to walk away towards Betty's room.  
Allison: I don't need it.  
Meredith: You're right. Because no amount of luck will get you anywhere.  
Allison: Just wait and see.  
Meredith: Whatever. I'm going to go find my fiance and have some hot sex with him in an on call room.  
Meredith walks away and leaves Allison standing there with narrowing eyes and mouth falling agape. Meredith has a triumphant smile on her face.  
Allison watches her walk away. Allison always gets what she wants and she is willing to do anything to get Dr. Derek Shepherd. Anything at all.

**Once again...sorry about the formatting...I am not sure why certain updates did this...they were all typed in the same program...I hope you liked it...I will try to post another update soonish. **

**-Marci**


	20. Chapter 20

Meredith's day passes quickly and soon Derek is leaving to go to dinner with his sister. He is dressed in black slacks and a white button up shirt. She bites her lip at the sight. She has never seen him dressed like this.  
He saunters towards her, his hands in his pockets. She looks around and sees several nurses drooling over him. She can't help but smile knowing that he is all hers. She feels her body temperature rise as he comes closer. She looks at him from underneath her lashes and he tilts his head to the side.  
Derek (in a husky voice): Hey.  
Meredith (barely above a whisper): Hey.  
Their eyes meet and he sees that her eyes are dark with desire. She instinctively licks her bottomw lip. He looks around the hall and sees a group of nurses staring at them. He doesn't care. They will only be here for a little longer anyways. He takes a step forward and can hear her breathing becoming more ragged at his proximity. They both inhale deeply, taking in the scent of the other. He removes his hands from his pockets and places them on the side of her face. Her body tingles under his touch. He slowly moves forward. Both of their hearts beating in anticipation of the collision of their lips. He licks his lips as his eyes focus on her lips. She can feel his hot breath on her lips as his face is only inches away from hers.  
When their lips finally meet, electricity travels through both of their bodies. Meredith moans into his mouth, only increasing his arousal. She sucks on his bottom lip before biting down lightly. He gasps in momentary shock as the pain intensifies his need. He presses his lips harder against hers and he pushes his tongue forcefully into her mouth. Her hands make their way through his hair and to the back of his head, pulling him closer to her. They finally break apart when their need for oxygen becomes too great. Derek rests his forehead against Meredith's as they struggle to catch their breath. They are so wrapped up in each other they don't notice the gaping nurses that are watching them intently, nor do they care.  
Meredith: You...look hot.  
Derek chuckles.  
Derek: You are always hot. Especially when you're naked.  
Meredith giggles. She leans in and kisses him quickly. Derek sighs as he runs his hand through her hair.  
Derek: I love you.  
Meredith: I love you too. You better go before I drag you into the nearest on call room.  
Derek chuckles and raises his eyebrow.  
Derek: And if I don't?  
Meredith: Then you will definitely be late for dinner.  
Derek: I can be late.  
Meredith: No, you can't. Just go. I will see you tomorrow.  
Derek: Tomorrow?  
Meredith: Yes. Tomorrow. I am on call remember.  
Derek: Ah, yes. Well, do you need anything?  
Meredith bites her bottom lip.  
Meredith: Besides you?  
Derek chuckles.  
Derek: Yes, beside me.  
Meredith: Well...  
Derek: What is it?  
Meredith: Do you think that you could bring me something after you finish dinner?  
Derek: Of course. What would you like for me to bring you?  
Meredith: Well, I have this craving for pickles and cherry jolly ranchers.  
Derek chuckles.  
Derek: Pickles and cherry jolly ranchers?  
Meredith hits him playfullys in the shoulder.  
Meredith: Don't laugh at me. I can't help it. It's what the baby wants.  
Derek smiles his McDreamy smile at her. He leans forward and kisses her on the forehead as he places a hand on her abdomen.  
Derek: Well...if it's what the baby wants...  
Meredith places her hand over his and looks into his eyes. Just as he begins to lean forward his cellphone starts to ring. He looks at the screen.  
Derek: Damn. It's Kathy.  
He answer the phone.  
Derek: Hello?...Yeah...Okay...I will meet you in the lobby in a minute...okay...bye.  
He hangs up the phone.  
Derek: I will bring you your pickles and jolly ranchers as soon as we are done.  
Meredith: Cherry flavored jolly ranchers.  
Derek laughs.  
Derek: Cherry flavored jolly ranchers it is. If you need or want anything else just call.  
She nods. He brushes a stray strand of hair out of her face and smiles at her. He places his hand on the side of her face and leans in and kisses her quickly on the lips. He runs his thumb quickly over her lips before he kisses her again.  
Meredith: You should go. I really want those pickles.  
Derek: I have a pickle you can have.  
Meredith giggles.  
Meredith: I love you..  
Derek: I love you too.  
Meredith sighs as she watches Derek walking down the hall. Damn. He has a nice ass. She bites her bottom lip. He steps on the elevator and his eyes immediately find hers as he turns around. Everyone else disappears as they gaze into each other's eyes. Their love, their pain, their adoration of each other, their hope for the future, their regret of the past, their desire at the moment...all of these things are evident in the eyes of the other. It takes everything he has to remain on the elevator, to not run up to her and take her right then and there.  
The closing of the elevator doors breaks their eye contact, allowing both to breathe again. Meredith can't help but smirk as she looks around at the nurses whose eyes are now full of jealousy. She turns back to the chart she was working on before he distracted her with his appearance and unconsciously places a hand on her abdomen, thinking about their future together as a family and really wanting those pickles.


	21. Chapter 21

Meredith works on charts for a little while after Derek leaves before she begins to get more cravings. She decides to text message Derek instead of calling him.

_Meredith: Can you also get me some black olives_?

_Derek: Black olives, jolly ranchers, and pickles? That's quite the combination_  
There is a lull in the messaging. Meredith is now lying on a bed in the on call room, the hospital eerily quiet tonight. She gets bored and decides to have a little fun.

Meredith: CHERRY jolly ranchers and I don't plan on eating them all together

Derek: Oh, so these are all seperate cravings?

Meredith: Yes.

_Meredith: How is dinner?_  
Derek's sister just laughs at his nonstop typing on his blackberry.

Derek: Good.

Meredith: I miss you.

Derek: I miss you too.

Kathleen: You hate being apart from her, don't you?

Derek: Yes. I do. I mean, I've been apart from her for a month and I felt completely lost.

Kathleen: Because you love her.

Derek: Because I love her.

_Meredith: I'm horny.  
_  
Derek chokes on his drink as he reads her message. His sister looks at him funny.

Derek: Went down wrong.

She arches her eyebrow, not believing him.

_Meredith: I have another craving._  
Kathleen: I see the text messages have taken a turn.

Derek: And what is that?

Meredith: Y.O.U.

Derek blushes slightly before shrugging.

Derek: What can I say? I have a month of making up to do.

Kathleen: Well, we are almost done here.

Derek: Yeah...and I need to go by the store.

Kathleen: Why?

Derek: She has cravings.

Kathleen: For?

Derek: Pickles, black olives, and jolly ranchers...cherry jolly ranchers.

Kathleen arches her eyebrow.

Kathleen: That's...interesting.

_Meredith: I'm hungry.  
_  
Derek: Yeah...it's weird...I know.

_Derek: Do you want me to bring you something?_

Kathleen: Don't tell her that.

Derek: I'm not stupid.

Kathleen: Sometimes I don't know about that.

Derek glares at her.

_Meredith: Yeah. Tex-Mex please._

Derek: What exactly would you like?

Meredith: Have to go, getting paged. See you soon. Love you.

Derek: What do you want to eat? Love you too.

Derek waits for her to respond, but she doesn't. They finish their meal and leave the restaurant. They stop at the store and Derek realizes that he doesn't know what kind of pickles she wants. He tries texting her, but she doesn't respond. So, he decides to get a jar of every kind. He then goes to get the jolly ranchers and realizes that the store doesn't carry just cherry jolly ranchers, so he gets ten bags of the assortment, planning on opening them all and taking out the cherry flavored ones for her. The black olives are easier and he grabs a jar. After he leaves the store they go through a Taco Bell drive-thru. Unsure of exactly what she wants, he orders one of everything with the veggies, sour cream, and guacomole all on the side.

He finally arrives back at the hospital with several bags of food for one very small person. He steps off of the elevator onto the surgical floor and searches for her. He doesn't see her anywhere. He sets the bags on the counter of the nurses' station and pulls out his blackberry.

_Derek: Where are you?  
_  
The sound of her blackberry signaling a text message wakes Meredith from her light sleep.

_Meredith: On call room._  
Derek doesn't answer. Instead, he opens the door to the on call room to reveal her small figure splayed out on the bottom bunk. He chuckles at her as she jerks her head towards the door, attempting to shield her eyes from the blinding light.

Derek: Which one?

Meredith: Across from nurses station on surgical floor.

Meredith: Why?

Derek: Hey sleepy head.

Meredith stands up and walks towards him, quickly kissing him on the lips.

Meredith: Hello, lover.

She giggles and then notices all of the bags that he is carrying.

Meredith: What is all of this?

Derek: Well, I didn't know what kind of pickles you wanted, so I got a jar of every kind. Also, they didn't have just cherry flavored jolly ranchers so I just got several bags of the assortment. Then, you didn't tell me what Tex-Mex you wanted, so I got one of everything on the menu.

Meredith's mouth falls agape.

Meredith: Seriously?

Derek: Seriously. I want you to have everything your heart desires.

Meredith smiles at him and he sets the bags down on one of the tables in the room. She wraps her arms around his neck.

Meredith: You are amazing.

Derek tilts his head to the side and smiles his McDreamy smile.

Derek: I know.

Meredith giggles and Derek chuckles. Her stomach growls and both burst into laughter. She rubs her stomach with her hand and he places his hand on top of hers.

Meredith: We are hungry.

Derek: Well, there is plenty of food here.

Derek begins to lay out all of the food. Meredith eagerly licks her lips. She looks up at Derek.

Meredith: Will you stay with me?

Derek: Of course.

Derek pulls out a chair and sits across Meredith and he watches her indulge all of her cravings. He loves the look on her face as she enjoys the food. He loves seeing her satisfied and happy. It makes him happy. She makes him happy.

Derek: I want to be here for you for everything. All of your cravings, your morning sickness, your mood swings, everything. I want to be here for you. I just want you to know that. I just want you to know that I am not going anywhere.

Meredith stops eating and looks up at him, a smile plastered on her face.

Meredith: I know. I want you here. I may yell at you for hovering, but I want you to hover. I may yell at you for being over protective, because I know you and I know that at some point you will be and it will annoy me, but I like that. It lets me know that you care and that you love me. I just want you to know this now, because I love you. I love you and I am scared about all of this and I need you. I need you to get through this.

By the time Meredith finishes her speech she has tears running down her cheeks. Derek is shocked by her words, by how open she is being with him. As soon as he recovers from the shock he stands up and walks over to her and kneels down in front of her.

Derek: I am scared too, but we can do this. We can do this together. I am not going anywhere and together, together you and I can do anything. Okay?

Meredith just nods and leans her forehead against his.

Meredith (in a whisper): Der?

Derek( also in a whisper): Yeah?

Meredith: I'm glad you found me.


	22. Chapter 22

**Sorry about the formatting...the next chapter isn't like this...**

As Meredith and Derek sit in the on call room basking in silence they are enjoying just being in the presence of the other. Meredith yawns.  
Derek: You should try and get some sleep.  
Meredith: Yeah...will you lay down with me?  
A broad smile spreads across Derek's face as Meredith bites on her bottom lip.  
Derek: Of course.  
Meredith lies down on the bed and Derek crawls in behind her, draping his arm over her waist. She cuddles further into his warm body. Both relish in the proximity of the other. Derek kisses Meredith on her hair. She sighs in content.  
Meredith: I never want to sleep without you again.  
Derek chuckles.  
Derek: I don't think it is possible for me to sleep without you.  
Meredith giggles through a yawn.  
Meredith: What about the last month?  
Derek: Didn't sleep.  
Meredith: You shouldn't lie Der, your nose is already big enough.  
Derek feigns a hurt gasp and Meredith giggles. Derek pouts although Meredith cannot see it, she knows that he is.  
Meredith: Stop pouting.  
Derek opens his mouth to speak, but nothing comes out.  
Derek: How did you..  
Meredith: I can feel it.  
Derek: Right...  
Meredith: It's true. I felt it in your body. I could feel your shoulders slump slightly...and I know you...I know you very well...  
These last words are uttered in a seductive tone which Derek does not fail to notice. He pulls her body even closer to his own, her back now pressed firmly against his chest. He lifts up onto one elbow and supports his head in his hand. He runs his other hand up and down the length of her body, relishing in relearning her curves. He lifts her scrub top slightly and runs his hand along her abdomen where their baby is now growing. The baby that they made together, in love. Derek leans in so that when he speaks next she will feel his hot breath against her ear.  
Derek: I couldn't really sleep without you, not without the help of some...acutally a lot of scotch. Even when I did sleep, I always drifted off thinking of you and then my dreams were laced with visions of you. I constantly missed you. Last night...last night was the first night I have really slept in months. The first night that I have gone to sleep happy and excited for the day to come. I love you, Meredith and I plan on falling asleep next to you every night and waking up to your beautiful face every morning.  
Meredith turns in his arms and looks into his eyes. She now has tears running down her face. He reaches up and brushes them away before leaning in and kissing her quickly but passionately. Meredith smiles warmly at him.  
Derek: I love you...so, so much.  
Meredith reaches up and lightly traces Derek's jawline with her finger before tracing his lips. Her eyes move back up to his eyes.  
Meredith: I love you, Derek Michael Shepherd. You...you're it for me.  
Derek: I hope so. You did agree to marry me.  
Derek chuckles as Meredith hits hit lightly on the chest. Derek grabs her wrist and pulls her body closer to his, her heaving breasts now pressed against his chest. She opens her mouth to speak, but before any words are articulated he presses his lips firmly against hers. She moans at the sudden contact with his moist lips. He sucks lightly on her bottom lip before tracing her lip with his tongue. He thrusts his tongue into her mouth. The feeling of her teeth scraping his tongue send shivers down his spine and increases his urgency. He needs her. He groans into her mouth as she runs her fingers through his hair. He moves his hands under her shirt as his tongue continues to duel with hers. Just as he is about to pull her shirt up, her beeper goes off.  
They both jump apart, breathless. Meredith looks down at her pager.  
Meredith: Damn it! I'm sorry.  
Derek smirks as he shrugs.  
Derek: I remember what it's like to be an intern, but you should try to take it easy.  
Meredith sighs as she leans down and kisses him on the forehead before climbing out of the bed.  
Meredith: I'm fine, Der. Everything will be fine.  
She straightens out her clothes and starts to leave the room when something occurs to her. She turns around to find him sitting on the edge of the bed.  
Meredith: Where are you staying?  
Derek: I...well...I had hotel reservations...but I never showed up...so...  
Meredith nods understanding.  
Meredith: I will call you as soon as I finish with this patient and I can give you the keys to my apartment. You can stay there tonight.  
Derek flashes her his McDreamy smile as he gets up and walks over to her. He places his hand under her chin, forcing the eye contact.  
Derek (in a sexy voice): I told you I can't sleep without you. I will be here when you finish with your patient.  
Meredith can't help but smile.  
Meredith: But what are you going to do while you wait?  
Derek shrugs.  
Derek: I will look over patient files...might even go try and steal a surgery..  
Meredith giggles. Her pager goes off again.  
Meredith: Shit. I have to go.  
Derek nods and leans forward and kisses her on the forehead.  
Derek: Page me when you finish with the patient...maybe we can commodore a patient together...  
Meredith giggles before leaving the room. Derek sits back down on the bed and runs his hand through his hair. He is happy. Hell, he is ecstatic. Just being around her...it makes him feel like each individual blood cell in his body has a life of its own and is dancing...she makes him excited about the future...excited about the possibilities that the future holds for them..as a family...together..together. He never plans on being without her again.  
He stands up and begins pacing the room. He needs to do something. He needs to do something to prove to her that he loves her...that he loves her more than anything else in the world...  
He stops pacing when the door to the on call room opens suddenly, letting in a stream of light from the hallway. He squints to see the person standing in the doorway, but he instantly knows that it isn't his Meredith.


	23. Chapter 23

Derek doesn't recognize the feminine figure until she starts to move towards him.

Derek(in a harsh voice): What are you doing?

But instead of replying, Allison pushes him up against the wall forcefull and pushes her lips against his own. He is stunned and it takes him a moment to respond. When he finally pushes her back he hears something coming from the door. He turns to see a very familiar figure briefly before she turns and runs away. He doesn't even think before he takes off after her. He reaches the hallway and looks around but he doesn't see her. He turns back around to face Allison.

Derek (in a harsh voice): I will have your job for this. You can count on that.

Before she can respond, Derek turns back around and begins his search of the hospital. He searches all of the on call rooms before he runs into his sister. His sister notices the distressed look on his face.

Kathleen: Derek, what is wrong?

Derek runs his hand through his hair.

Derek: A nurse forced herself on me in an on call room and Meredith just happened to see it. I can't find her anywhere.

Kathleen's face falls.

Kathleen: Oh, Derek. This...this could be hard to explain. This...I mean...wow...

Derek: Yeah. I know. I have to find her.

Kathleen: Which nurse was it?

Derek raises an eyebrow. He doesn't even remember her name.

Derek: Uhh...she is blonde...I don't know...I can't remember...

Just then Derek sees her at the nurses' station and he points at her

Derek: That's her.

Kathleen tightens her lips.

Kathleen: That's Allison. We have had problems with her before. I will take care of it.

Derek nods at his sister.

Derek: Thanks...and if you see her...

Kathleen: I will let you know.

Derek: Thanks.

Derek walks off and continues his search for Meredith. He isn't very familiar with this hospital, but he will find her. He is determined. He has to make this right.

(Scene switches to Meredith)

Meredith still can't believe what she saw. She is running up the staircase to the roof. This is a spot she found when she first moved here. It is her safe haven. She just needs to escape...everything.

She pushes the door to the roof open and is immediately hit by the cold night air. It feels so good against her skin. Suddenly, she feels the tears begin to fall. She tries to make them stop, but she can't. She sinks to the ground as she begins to sob. She is hurting. She is hurting so much. She gave her whole heart to him. She gave her whole heart to him and now it is hurting. It hurts so bad.

Sobs shake her tiny frame as cold rain starts to fall, quickly soaking through her scrubs, but she doesn't care. All that she cares about is the emotional pain that she is feeling. Her emotional pain is so intense that she is numb to any physical discomfort. She loves him. She loves him so damn much and that allows for him to hurt her and right now...right now she is hurting so damn bad.

Logically she knows that the slutty nurse kissed him. Logically she knows this, but it still hurts. It still hurts to see some other woman in his arms. It hurts so bad. She is supposed to be the last woman to ever kiss him. He isn't supposed to kiss anyone else..ever again. She is supposed to be it. It never bothered her this much when other people talked about how dreamy he was. Not when he was with her...before Addison. When she knew that he belonged to her. But that was before he chose Addison, before she had to deal with the rejection.

As much as she wants to get over it and move on, as much as she loves him, in times like these it is damn near impossible. What keeps him from leaving her again? If she wasn't good enough for him before what makes her good enough for him now? How does she know that he won't leave her again. After all, that is what people in her life do best...walk away and leave her...alone.

She doesn't hear it when the door to the roof opens. Nor does she hear the gasp that escapes from the person. She blinks as the form bends down to her level and brushes the hair out of her face. The voice brings her back to reality.

Kathleen: Meredith? Are you okay? You are soaking wet! We should get you back inside. Can you stand up?

Meredith just nods and slowly stands up. Her clothes are soaked through and her hair is dripping wet. She starts to shiver in the cold night air. Kathleen looks at her worriedly.

Kathleen: We have been looking everywhere for you. Derek is running around like a chicken with its head cut off.

Meredith winces slightly at the mention of his name and looks at Kathleen with tears in her eyes.

Kathleen: He didn't..

Meredith interrupts her.

Meredith: I know. I know it was all her. But that doesn't mean that it doesn't hurt. It doesn't mean that I don't get to be upset. I don't want to be upset. But I am ...I just...I never wanted to see him with another woman...after watching him with Addison for so long...it makes...it makes me sick.

Kathleen nods in understanding at Meredith as she ushers her through the door and into the stairwell. Meredith is now shivering violently.

Kathleen: We should get you out of these clothes. Is it okay if I page Derek?

Meredith stops and stares at her, contemplating her answer.

Kathleen: He is really worried, Meredith. He already had Allison fired. He is furious with her and really worried about you. He loves you. You have to believe that.

Meredith sighs.

Meredith: I know he does. I do. It's just...

Kathleen looks at her, waiting for her to finish her sentence.

Kathleen; What?

Meredith's eyes begin to tear up again.

Meredith: What if he leaves me again? I can't deal with it if he leaves me. I can't. I..

Kathleen puts her hand on her arm.

Kathleen: What makes you think that he will leave you?

Meredith: Everyone leaves me. Plus, he has already left me once...what will keep him from doing it again?

Just as Kathleen opens her mouth to answer her pager starts beeping.

Kathleen: That's Derek. He is worried about you.

They push the door open and step onto the surgical floor. Meredith looks horrible. Her eyes are red and swollen and she is soaking wet. Everyone looks at her strangely as Kathleen places a hand on her back. Just as Kathleen opens her mouth to speak again they hear the sound of heavy feet running towards them.


	24. Chapter 24

Kathleen looks up and sees her brother running towards them. She opens her mouth to speak as his eyes land on the disheveled form of Meredith.

Kathleen: Derek...

Derek doesn't acknowledge his sister, but instead runs straight to Meredith. Meredith stares at the floor, refusing to look into his eyes. Derek is now standing right in front of her.

Derek (breathless): Meredith...

Meredith shivers as her name rolls off of his tongue like velvet. Derek takes her face in his hands, his heart breaking at the site of her. Meredith immediately feels the warmth from his touch. He forces her to look into his eyes. He sees that her eyes are red and swollen from crying and her pain is evident in her green eyes that are currently somewhat dull.

Meredith sees the worry and regret in Derek's eyes. She wants everything to be okay. She wants to pretend that it didn't happen. She knows that it wasn't his fault, but she is still hurting. She is still hurting and she doesn't really know why. Everything has been so great these past couple of days...she should be happy. She shouldn't let one stupid nurse ruin her happiness..but if that is the case...then why does she feel like her whole world is collapsing.

She finally breaks the gaze and looks back down at the floor. She fidgets with her watch on her wrist that is probably water logged now. Derek watches her, full of apprehension. He doesn't know what to expect. He loves her. He needs to show her that he loves her. He needs for her to believe, to know that he loves her and that he would never, never cheat on her.

He notices her body tremble and doesn't hesitate to envelope her in his arms, hoping that she doesn't pull away. He is surprised when she melts into his embrace and begins to sob immediately upon contact. He cradles her body and looks at his sister. She nods slightly and Derek easily lifts Meredith into his arms. She drapes her arms around his neck and buries her face in his chest, soaking his shirt with his tears.

He walks into the nearest on call room and sits down on the bed, still cradling her in his arms. He begins to rub large circles on her back while whispering words of endearment in her ear.

It kills him to see her like this. He never wanted to hurt her like this and he really hates seeing her in pain. He hates it and it's his fault. He is the source of all of his pain. He hates himself for that.

Derek: I'm sorry. I'm so sorry, Meredith. I never...never want to hurt you. I'm sorry.

Meredith grabs onto his shirt, clinging to him desperately.

Meredith (in a straiend voice): Please...please...

Derek: What is it, Meredith?

Meredith: Don't leave me. Please..don't leave me all alone...I...

Derek is shocked by her words. He thought that she was going to ask him to leave. His heart breaks even more at her desperate pleas. She thinks that he is going to leave her. He could never leave her. Never.

Derek: Shh...I'm not going anywhere, Mer, I promise. I'm here. I'm here for forever. You will never be alone again. I promise you, baby. I love you. I love you so much.

Derek feels the tears begins to fall from his own eyes, but he doesn't bother to wipe them away. They sit on the bed holding each other, both of them desperately grasping for the other. Both afraid of losing the other, both promising to never leave the other, both knowing that they are it for each other, that they are meant for each other.

Meredith and Derek sit on the on call bed for about fifteen more minutes, clinging desperately to each other. Neither seem to remember that Meredith is soaking wet and Derek doesn't notice that his clothes are now wet as well.

The sound of a pager brings them back to reality. Meredith slowly moves her head from his chest and immediately feels chilled after her body suffers the loss of the warmth radiating from his. Derek notices her shiver as she stands up.

Derek(in a quiet voice): You should really change out of those clothes.

Meredith looks at Derek. He can't help but sigh at the look of defeat on her face. He doesn't want her to look defeated. He needs to restore her faith in him. He stands up and rubs his hands up and down her arms in an attempt to warm her.

Meredith: So should you.

Derek: What?

Meredith (sighing): Change. Your clothes are wet as well.

Derek looks down at his own clothes and notices for the first time that his clothes are wet. He runs his hand through his hair before looking back at her.

Derek(somewhat breathless): Mer...

He searches her face for some sort of sign but finds nothing. Her face has gone blank. She looks at him, her eyes finally express pleading.

Meredith(in a quiet voice): Not now.

Derek reaches out and brushes a piece of hair out of her face.

Derek: Please, Mer, talk to me.

Meredith: I...not now. I..I have to change and get back to work.

Meredith quickly turns around and opens the door.

Derek: Can we talk later?

Derek's voice is hopeful, but Meredith doesn't respond as she exits the on call room, leaving him frustrated and worried. He runs his hand through his hair and he sighs in frustration.

He doesn't know what to do. He doesn't know how to fix this. How to prove to her that she is it for him. He thought that she knew that, but not it seems that she is questioning his feelings for her. He is afraid that she will run again. He can't let her run again. He can't. He doesn't know what he would do without her. Not now. Not ever. She is carrying their child. He loves her. He loves her so much. But how does he make her see this? How does he make her see that she is his world, that time stops when they are together? How does he make her believe in him and trust him again? He is willing to do anything and everything. He just doesn't know what to do.

He starts to feel a chill deep in his bones, not only from the wetness of his clothing but from the fear of losing her again. He starts to pace back and forth in the small on call room in an attempt to formulate a plan, in an attempt to solve this problem that the slutty nurse created. Oh God, he can't even fathom losing her again. If he loses her again he knows that he will be lost. He has to fix this. He wants to fix tihs. He can't believe that he hurt her yet again. He feels like an ass. He knows that he didn't do anything wrong, but she is still hurting because of him and he hates that. He hates that so much.

Derek jerks his head up as the door to the on call room opens, hoping that Meredith has come back to talk to him. He can't shield the disappointment when he notices the face of his sister. He runs his hand through his hair again and resumes pacing. His sister looks at him with a worried expression.

Kathleen: Derek?

Derek: I don't know what to do. I need to fix this, but how? How do I prove to her that I love her and that I can't imagine my life without her? How do I make her trust me again? I just...I can't lose her again. I can't. I need her.

Kathleen takes a step into the room and grabs onto Derek's arm, forcing him to stop pacing. He looks at his sister and she sees the despair in his eyes.

Kathleen: She loves you, Derek. If she didn't, well, she wouldn't be hurting right now. She does love you and she wants to trust you. You just need to give her time and prove yourself to her. I can't tell you how to do that, but I will tell you to never let her forget that you love her. Show her everyday and in every way possible.

Derek just nods and moves his hands over his face, a clear sign of frustration.

Derek: I need to go find her. I need to fix this.

Derek starts to leave the room, but Kathleen stops him.

Kathleen: She's not here.

Derek's head immediately jerks up as he searches his sister's face for the question that immediately pops into his head.

Kathleen: She went home. She was in no shape to work. Plus, she was already starting to get a slight fever.

Derek: Shit.

Kathleen: What?

Derek: I don't know how to get to her apartment. I can't remember where it is. She drove last night and I...shit.

Kathleen: Just call her, if she wants to see you she will give you directions.

Derek runs his hand through his hair yet again.

Derek: You don't understand, Kathy. Meredith is an avoider, she runs from problems. She isn't going to answer her phone. I...I have to find where she lives. I...I need to fix this as soon as possible. If..if she is sick I need to take care of her. I...I need her. I need to talk to her.

Derek turns and quickly leaves the room, not waiting for a response from his sister. He has to find Meredith. He has to prove to her that he loves her and that she isn't ever going to be alone again. He wants to take care of her. He immediately begins his inquest into finding out where Meredith Grey, the love of his life, lives so that he can make her see how much he loves her.


	25. Chapter 25

Meredith walks through the front door of her apartment, already feeling ill. She throws her keys down on the coffee table and walks into the kitchen to make herself a cup of hot tea. She sneezes.

Meredith: Damn it!

She finishes making her cup of tea and sits down at the kitchen table. She can't believe how quickly things have changed. This morning she thought that it would take a disaster to make the smile disappear. She just didn't think that that disaster would come in the form of some slutty nurse.

She gently massages her temples with the tips of her fingers. She feels the beginning of a headache coming on. Damn it. Why did she have to run to the roof of all places? She knows that Derek didn't do anything, but still that doesn't mean it doesn't hurt for her to see some other woman all over him.

She sighs and glances at her phone. He hasn't called her yet. For some reason this hurts her. Why hasn't he called? Oh God, did she push him away? He wouldn't leave her, them, would he?

Meredith gasps.

_Oh God, he wouldn't leave me, us, would he? No. No. No. No. I can't do this alone. I need him. Oh God. I..shit. No. I'm hurt and angry but I can't live, I can't live without him. I need him. Oh God. Why can't I just be mad at him and then everything be okay? I don't want to hurt or be angry, but I can't help it. _

A little time passes as Meredith sits at the table, recounting the events of the last couple of hours, days, months...all of it. She glances up at the clock--4:00AM. Shit She has rounds in two hours and she feels like shit. She groans as the achiness begins to spread throughout her body and her throat begins to feel scratchy.

She coughs. Suddenly she begins to feel nauseous.

_Seriously? On top of this stupid cold my morning sickness is going to kick in. _

She quickly runs to the bathroom and bends over the toilet. She doesn't hear her phone ring the three times it rings while she is in the bathroom.

As soon as she is done emptying her stomach she looks in the mirror. She looks like crap. Seriously. Like crap ran over. She runs her fingers under her eyes to remove the tears that were caused by the strain of throwing up. Throwing up without the aid of alcohol is painful for her, and exhausting.

She treads back into the kitchen and gets some water and crackers, hoping to ease her nausea. She looks at the clock-5:45AM.

Meredith: Damn it.

She quickly picks up the phone and notices the missed calls, all from Derek. She doesn't have time to call him back right now. She has to call the hospital. She decides to call Kathleen, since she is on her service for the remainder of her time in Boston.

Kathleen: Hello?

Meredith: Hello, Kathleen?

Meredith's voice is barely audible.

Kathleen: Meredith? Are you okay?

Meredith doesn't know that Derek is standing right next to Kathleen. His head snaps up at the mention of Meredith's name. All of his attention is now focused on the conversation that his sister is having. He had tried all night to find Meredith's address, but he hadn't had much luck. He finally resolved to call her, but she didn't answer.

Meredith: No. Not really. I'm coming down with something and morning sickness sucks.

Kathleen can't help but laugh at Meredith's choice of wording.

Kathleen: Do you need anything?

Meredith: I don't know.

Meredith sighs.

Kathleen: Is something else bothering you, Meredith?

Meredith: It's just, I know that he didn't do anything, but..

Kathleen glaces at her brother.

Kathleen: It still hurts.

Meredith: Yeah. Is that wrong?

Kathleen: No, but don't push him away. Let him make it up to you. He loves you. He is worried about you. He has been harrassing everyone trying to get your address and I think he has even tried to call you a few times.

Meredith: Yeah, I know. I was in the bathroom, throwing up because of his stupid...nevermind.

Meredith pauses for a moment.

Meredith: He is standing next to you isn't he?

Kathleen gasps in surprise.

Kathleen: How did you know that?

Meredith: I just...I have like a sixth sense when it comes to him.

Meredith starts coughing violently again.

Kathleen: Maybe you should come in and get checked out. That cough sounds pretty bad.

Meredith: No. I'm fine. I just...I won't be there today..

Kathleen laughs.

Kathleen: I kind of figured that. Well, call me if you need anything. And Meredith?

Meredith: Yeah?

Kathleen: Give him a break.

Meredith: I'll think about it. I have to go. I'm going to be sick again.

Meredith quickly hangs up the phone before Kathleen can respond. She finds herself hanging over the toilet bowl for the next two hours. She feels horrible. Actually, horrible doesn't even describe the way she feels. Every part of her body aches. Her nose is runny. She is sweaty and running a fever and she is puking her freaking guts out. Stupid boys and their stupid boy penises.

She slowly lifts herself off of the bathroom floor. Her entire body aching. She smells like vomit, but she doesn't really care right now. It's just her...all alone. She walks into the living room and starts to sit down on the couch when her cell phone starts to ring. She walks into the kitchen, where it is sitting on the table and glances at the screen: DEREK flashes across the screen. She presses the ignore button. Her head hurts to bad right now to deal with this, but she can't help but feeling happy knowing that he is calling her, that he is chasing her. That he cares enough to chase her. She looks and sees that he has called her five times since she got off of the phone with his sister.

She sighs. She should probably call him back. He doesn't deserve to worry. He didn't do anything wrong. Plus, she would really love for him to take care of her. She knows that if he was here he would take care of her. Just as she picks up her phone, a knock at the door startles her.

She forces herself to make her way to the front door. She gasps when she opens the door, revealign the figure looking anxiously back at her.


End file.
